


Of Lavender and Motor Oil

by WriterofBagend



Series: Between Jobs [1]
Category: The Hobbit
Genre: Alternate Universe- Modern, Aro Ace Thorin, F/F, F/M, Family/Friendship - Freeform, Female Bilbo, Female Thorin, Fluff, Gender Changes, Genderfluid Nori, Humor, M/M, Mechanic!Thorin, Romance, Transgender Dwalin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4468424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterofBagend/pseuds/WriterofBagend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Bilbo stares at the white smoke streaming from the hood of her Yellow Bug, she knows that she'll have to take it to the local mechanic's. What she doesn't know is that Thorin Oakley, a rookie mechanic at Irons Auto Shop, will do more than help with her car. </p><p>That is, with a rather hard nudge out the door by some meddlesome friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally got around to writing this short fic. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to give feedback. The lovely musamortem on tumblr edited this for me, so there would have been many mistakes without her. Also, whitnialis gave me the inspiration for this fic, so credit is surely do!

Bilbo Baggins wasn't handy. At _all._

She was absolutely terrible at fixing things, which often led to her calling calling a repairman to fix whatever she had broken or whatever Melkor had broken while he was busy terrorizing Sauron, her Doberman. That cat was a menace, but she couldn't take him back to the pound since she didn't have the heart, and she was ninety percent sure he would claw her face if she tried. She had gotten to a point in her life where she appreciated her face, thank you very much- 

Anyway, now she was getting off topic. Where was she? 

Oh, right. 

She couldn't fix anything to save her life, like that one time she tried rebuilding a bookshelf to store some of her pamphlets and booklets about foreign places and vacations around the world. She had taken her hand off of the shelf for a split second, hardly thinking it mattered that only one side was nailed down. With a nail between her lips and her glasses buried in her brown curls, she had picked up her hammer and the loose shelf swung and promptly whacked her on her forehead like a clock's pendulum. She had to call Bofur to fix that, and he almost had to call the doctor for the bleeding cut on her head. 

She still had the scar and, despite it being secured by Bofur, she still avoided that damned shelf. 

Now, her father, Bungo Baggins, was another story entirely. If he hadn't passed away quite some time ago, she would have called him to fix all the repairs her house needed. Belladonna Baggins nee Took was still alive and well in their comfortable flower shop of Bag End, but she wasn't the best at fixing things. Or using her cellphone correctly. 

As Bilbo looked under the hood of her yellow Bug, she couldn't help but think that the amount of smoke slowly leaking from the mechanics was _not_ right. She wrinkled her nose in annoyance and checked her watch, realizing she was late for work already. She quickly debated what the better choice of actions was: a) run to the bookshop and be fifteen minutes late instead of five, also including exercise, or b) get into the possibly dangerous car, drive to work in less than ten minutes, and take the disapproving look Balin would give her. 

So she chose the lesser of the two evils that did not involve exercise, but involved possible death. It was better than exercise, anyway.

The car ride went as smoothly as it could with whatever unknown ailment that had taken hold of her Bug, though her fingers clutched so tightly to the wheel that her knuckles were white underneath her nut brown skin. She slammed the door, trying not to stare at the thin puffs of smoke creeping out of the front, and walked briskly into Fundinson's Bookshop. 

The shop had been her source of income for the past three years ever since she had quite literally bumped into Balin and found out that he was a childhood friend of her mother. Fundinson's had hit harder times due to the rise of e-books (which no one could mention without Balin blanching) and the better coffee shops around town. Their tea actually _tasted_ like tea and not the gross water Bofur insisted was a "spiced blend."

Well, at least their chairs were comfortable and their books were well-stocked. 

"Late night, Bilbo?" asked an all too cheerful voice, and she jumped, swearing under her breath once she saw the grinning face of Bofur. His black hair was drooping in his eyes as usual, his short ponytail skimming the plaid button-up of his shoulders. "Don't worry, Balin's out getting coffee along with Nori. I'll tell him you were right on time."

She sighed with relief, sending him a tired smile. "Thanks, Bofur." He doffed his furry eared hat in a playful manner and plopped it on her head, covering up her messy hair and overall doing her a favor. Used to wearing his hat, she adjusted it and took her place behind the cash register as he began moving boxes of new shipments. 

"You look stressed, Billie. Something wrong?" he asked, signing the slip from the delivery man and kicking the boxes inside with little care. 

_Didn't bother to close the door either,_ she thought with a sigh. The hot summer breeze washed in, the sound of passing cars and civilians only adding to the cranking of the air conditioning system. If she weren't so exhausted, she would have chided him for being so careless and letting the warmth in, but today she just rested her chin in her hands. 

"There's something wrong with the Bug," she said mournfully, and Bofur let out a low whistle. 

"Again? That's the second time this month," he remarked, and she nodded, knowing all too well how old her car was, but she refused to get a new one. She would have to get a loan from her mother or the bank, and if she got a cheap car, the condition could be terrible. "So, did it break down again?"

"No, it was working when I drove here... kind of." She scrunched her face together thoughtfully. "It was so weird. There was all sorts of white-"

"Do you smell smoke?" Bofur asked suddenly, effectively interrupting her, and for a moment her brown eyes were blank. Then they widened to the size of dinnerplates as she heard the familiar whirring of her car, the smell of the smoke oozing from the hood earlier reaching her nose, and she ran outside. 

"No, no, _no_!" cried Bilbo as she pushed past the small throng of passersby to her Bug. 

A few people walking past had stopped in their tracks to look at the white smoke pouring in large amounts, mouths open and then closing abruptly as they tried to escape the slight odor by jogging away. She groaned and began to bat away at the smoke, steam fogging her glasses, as she and Bofur yanked open the clip. White fumes billowed out and they coughed, covering their mouths and nose with pieces of fabric until the smoke finally faded away to a more manageable stream. 

Bilbo stared at the smoking car for quite some time before speaking, the witnesses to her car's "death" finally moving on to their business. 

"Maybe it's better this way," she said and realized she'd have to take the bus. "Nevermind. I hate my life." 

Bofur shot her a look.

"Ah, don't say that. You have a wonderful life," he said, though he looked somewhat hesitant as he examined the mechanics of her car. There was a slight frown playing at his lips, a crease between his dark eyebrows as he experimentally began poking around. 

"What the hell did you _do_ to this thing?" 

She shrugged. "Hell if I know. It just- it just threw a fit, I don't know. I just don't _get_ it. I mean, it's eight years old-"

"That explains a lot," he snorted and then waved her on when she glared at him half-heartedly. 

"As I was saying, it's eight years old, but it's always been in perfect condition." He raised his eyebrows at her and she wrinkled her nose anxiously, eyes flicking towards the smoking _whatever_ and only adding evidence that contradicted her statement. "Okay, okay, it's always been in decent condition."

" _Decent_?" he repeated disbelievingly and she huffed, crossing her arms across her red shirt. 

"Fine, it's always been in _working_ condition. Happy now?"

He shrugged, rubbing his hands across his jaw and finally shoving them in his pockets as the light breeze blew his dark hair. "Just peachy, I am. You know, Billie, acceptance is the first step to admitting you have a problem. Or rather, your car has a problem. You don't take very much good care of it. Honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't exploded sooner-"

"It didn't explode," snapped Bilbo and waved vaguely had the thinning smoke. "It just- just decided to release a little fumes, that's all.” 

"That's what you call a little? It might as well caught on fire!" His amusement began to fade as he looked back at the car, beetle black eyes grim. "But seriously, you need to take this to the mechanic or something." 

She groaned, taking off Bofur's hat from her curls and burying her face in it. They stayed out in the hot outside for a few minutes, though it felt longer with the humid air suffocating them, until they heard heavy footsteps slapping against the sidewalk. Bofur turned, sending a small wave to their boss while she continued mourning the loss of her money and car, her face still burrowed in the cool fur of the hat. 

"Good morning, Bilbo," Balin said cheerfully, then stopped short once he saw the smoking car, nearly dropping the tray of iced coffees in his surprise. Nori, coming not far behind, whistled once she saw the Bug. She took a long drag on her latte, as if there was hard liquor in its milky contents, and patted Bilbo's shoulder comfortingly. 

"I see that the Bug's life has finally been squashed," she said sagely and laughed at her own bad joke. Balin raised his bushy white eyebrows at her, moving cautiously closer to the car. It sent out one last puff of white smoke before sputtering and finally silencing. 

"It's over," she sighed. "It's finished." 

"How long has it been like this, Bilbo?" he asked her and she shrugged. 

"Dunno. According to some people, I severely neglect my car-" cue direct look at an oblivious Bofur. 

"Well, it's true," he defended himself, kicking the Bug's tire with his Timberland boot. He stroked the yellow sides, a melancholy look on his face. "Look at this poor thing. Have you been abused by the mean lady, Buggy?" 

Nori began to laugh and Balin had to hold Bilbo back from tossing an iced coffee at her coworkers. Bofur then put his ear to the hot metal, a thoughtful expression on his face as he pretended to listen to the car's woes. "What's that, Buggy? Bilbo even puts her dog and cat in you? Tsk, tsk, what a horrible owner. And the cat scratched your leather seating? That _bastard_ -"

"Alright, that's enough you two," Balin scolded, pushing them away from the car and slamming the hood down. "Unless you'd like to have a memorial service for the blasted thing, then you all need to get working. Our summer holiday sale is beginning today and we have a lot to do, so move along." 

"Why, Mr. Balin, I think a memorial service is a wonderful idea," said Nori with a wink and Balin blinked, her charms washing off of him like water on a duck. 

She stopped by the shop's door and saluted the Bug with her steaming latte, face comically serious as she downed her styrofoam cup in reverence. Bilbo rolled her eyes, snatching up her tea from the tray and entering the shop. 

"Nori Reese, you are lucky you're dating my brother," said Balin in a somewhat threatening manner and Bilbo couldn't help but crack a smile despite the loss of her car still being fresh, and the loss of the money it would take to repair it even fresher. Then he turned to Bilbo, looking pensive.

"You know, Dwalin knows a nice auto shop," he said and took a napkin from the coffee tray, pulling a pen from his pocket and scribbling down a number. "He's beginning to work there part time ever since he was injured on a case. I could even try getting you a discount." 

"Really?" she perked up, her smile widening as she displayed the OPEN sign on the window. "Do you think you can do that? I'd be very grateful, Mr. Fundinson."

"Anything for you, dear," he said with a wink that reminded her of a doting grandfather, and Bofur and Nori audibly began grumbling about playing favorites as he dialed up Dwalin and made arrangements to have Bilbo's Bug looked at on Saturday.

Two days of taking the bus or walking. 

At least it wasn't a full week. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin Oakley was the handy-man in her family. She had to be since it was her new job as a mechanic. Frerin had gotten the smarts and skills of a writer; Dis had gotten the healing hands of a nurse (along with the surprisingly hard punches of someone who had boxed her whole life); she had, in turn, received all the knowledge of fixing just about everything. 

Her father, Thrain, had taught her all about tools and what to use to correctly fix things from broken shelves to corroded mufflers. Dis and Frerin had never been interested, so she didn't have much of a choice in the matter, but she enjoyed it, especially when she would give her father's faded blue muscle car, Minty, a tune up. 

"Jack of all trades, master of none; certainly better than a master of one," Dis had said to her cheerfully as she balanced a wailing Kili on her hip and pried gum out of Fili's blond hair using peanut butter and her bare, sticky hands. 

At the time, Thorin had been bouncing between jobs and had lost all hope of finding a suitable workplace where she could see herself working at until she got a house instead of a flat. 

That was until Dwalin had told her about Irons Mechanics & Auto Repair. Thorin and he had been talking idly over coffee, the former glaring into her dark mug, now cold, and the latter staring at her with a look of mild annoyance. Finally, Dwalin had sighed and slapped a business card of the repair shop on the table. 

"What's that?" asked Thorin in a grumbling tone of voice, cheek smushed against her hand as she didn't take her eyes off of her coffee. Soon it was swept out from under her and being loaded with sugar as Dwalin slurped it down noisily. Disgusting, he was. "What was that for?"

"No more coffee, nothing else for you to stare at moodily for the next fifteen minutes," he replied and took her chin in his hands, snapping his other hand in front of her pale blue eyes. He pulled from his pocket a small white card. "Now, pay attention. See this, here? This is the the ticket- no, not ticket. The key to your success. This little card is going to get you a job." He banged his hand against the table, looking pleased with himself. "What'd you think of that?" 

"How came you by this?" she asked suspiciously and he sighed. 

"It's a business card, stupid. They give them out literally everywhere. You're _supposed_ to read it."

Thorin picked up the flimsy card, eyes narrowing to read the tiny print. "Well, it is certainly little," she said thoughtfully after a good long silence and was fairly sure Dwalin was about to take back the card and never invite her for coffee again. "Fine, fine, I'll check out the shop. But I'm not even that good with cars. Haven't worked on a car in years."

"Then you can practice. Work on your da's old car, for crying out loud." A smile quirked across his lips. "Didn't he have a name for that old thing? It was a horrible greenish blue or whatever."

"Minty,"she answered, tucking the business card in her jean pocket and wrapping her gray scarf around her neck to fight against the cold. "Fili and Kili came up with that name, so shut it. As if you haven't named anything precious to you something stupid." She stood up, grabbing her heavy bag that Dis fondly called her ' _Auntie' Bag_ and a grin crept up on her face. "You know what? Scratch that. You still do."

Dwalin mumbled something inaudibly, sweeping up his crutches and sunglasses despite it being rather cloudy outside. "I do not. I'm not five, Thorin, I'm thirty-seven. And so are you, so it's about time you've stopped calling an old car Minty."

She scoffed, holding the door open for her childhood friend. "Oh, please. Dain and your boys back at the precinct told me you named your nightstick and taser 'Grasper' and 'Keeper'. Is that a metaphor for your ways with women?" 

She ducked his playful swing, but was unable to stop herself. It was like she could feel herself being annoying, but couldn't fight it; almost like Kili, really. "Do- did you name Nori's boobs, too? Oh my God!"

Once she bobbed out of Dwalin's reach, she had quickly felt herself lose her balance and land flat on her bottom. Long story short, Dwalin laughed so hard he almost fell himself, Nori's boobs did _not_ have names (she found out the answer after ratting on Dwalin, and Nori laughed so hard that she spilled her coffee all over her lap), and she had gotten herself a new job. 

The interview had been short, with hardly any talking. Thorin liked that, and had been set to work immediately on a car to prove her skills. The gas pipe had been busted and, thanks to her practicing on Minty and transforming that prehistoric creature into a shining car worthy of a showing, she was able to fix it within ten minutes.

She got the job the second she was finished. 

The next month of working in the shop didn't include as much activity as she had originally expected. Well, for her, at least. The other mechanics were doing just fine with their steady influx of customers. There were even walk-ins, but the customers would take one look at Thorin's decisively feminine figure and walk in the direction of another mechanic; even if said mechanic was already working on something, or wasn't even _good._

Ah, sexism at its finest. 

Like that Thranduil O'Phor who had stolen her client right from her fingers. He was mediocre at best at repairing, yet he had gotten the job and kept managing to steal her customers. Plus he was pretty and managed to stay perfectly spotless no matter what. She was sick of cleaning the messes the other mechanics made, of mopping the bathroom floors and refilling the oil tanks. She wanted to actually work on a car, even if she was just changing tires. By the fourth stolen customer, she had nearly snapped her wrench in half. 

Thankfully, Dwalin had had to listen to her grumblings and decided to spend the day with her, so he stopped her from slamming Thranduil's platinum blond head into a Cadillac. Bastard. She had that handled. Admittedly, she would have gotten fired, but still. Officer Friendly just _had_ to make an appearance. 

He sometimes gave her his own clients for her to practice. However, that day he hadn't had much to do except watch Thorin and tell her she missed a spot of oil on the floor. She settled for glaring murderously at him each time since he had a lame leg and she would only get in trouble for harassing a disabled person. 

When she saw Dwalin hobbling over on his crutch with his mobile in his hand, she had no idea there was a possible job opportunity in store for her. The mechanic just refocused on looking for any problems with the Pontiac that had been brought in, even though there were none and she was positive that the old owner was delirious. His car was perfectly fine. She slammed the hood, taking a large and heavy wrench from Kili's hands before he could do anything stupid with it. 

"Kilian Oakley, I told you not to touch my tools," she said quietly, arching a thick eyebrow at her eight-year-old nephew. He frowned, though it came out as more of a pout with his young face, and he raised his doe brown eyes at her. "No, no, don't give me that look."

"Aw, come on, Auntie Thorin!" he whined loud enough for Fili to hear, and he turned off the sound of his hearing aids to block out his brother's ranting and the loud clanging of the shop. He sent his aunt a slight smile before burying his face back into his comic book. "You're not doing anything with them, so why can't I use them?"

"I _am_ doing something with them," she said and Kili shot her a disbelieving look. 

"What? No, you're not," he said, crossing his arms across his chest. 

She smoothed out his shirt, flicking his nose playfully before putting her tools back in her box. "Yes, I am."

"Okay, now you are, but you weren't before." He waited until her last wrench was placed in the box. "And you aren't now since you're all done." He clapped his hands together, rubbing them excitedly as a goofy grin overtook his face. "So, can I play with 'em?" 

"Someone's still using it," Thorin said quickly. 

"What? Who?"

"The ghost of the- the garage."

There was a brief moment of silence including Kili staring at his aunt and his aunt staring right back at him. Finally, his confused face twisted in a frown and his brown eyes blinked. "That- that- is there actually a ghost in here?"

"Yes," she lied and pushed back his longish brown bangs. "How about we look for it when it's my turn to lock up in four days? And we can tell Mum all about it after her shift at the hospital?"

Kili nodded enthusiastically. "Does that mean that you're going to sleep over? Mum doesn't get back until midnight on Mondays. That means we'll have to stay up, and you can sleep on the couch while we watch movies." 

"Don't see why not," Thorin replied with an indulgent smile that she quickly wiped off her face when a worker passed. She had managed to maintain a facade that made most of her coworkers avoid her at all costs, and she liked that facade, thank you. She'd keep it for as long as possible. However, where her nephews were concerned, it was hard for her to control herself and not strap leashes on them and tie the handles around her arms. 

"How does a superhero movie sound?"

"Awesome! I've got a good one."

"Let me guess," she said, covertly looking at his Tony Stark T-shirt as she wiped the motor oil staining her hands on a dirtied rag. "Is it... Iron Man?"

"How'd you know?"

She snorted and caught sight of Fili waving to Dwalin, who was attempting to make his way across the large shop. She sighed, catching his mind numbingly determined expression as he tried maneuvering on his crutches, and walked over to him to save him the trip. He blushed, shifting his crutches. 

"I could've made the walk, you know," he muttered and glared mutinously at his leg. "Hate these damn things. Can't wait until I can get rid of them. Oin says I might need a cane after therapy, but that's better than clunking around with these ruddy- oh, hey Fili," he finished, catching himself once the boys had walked over. 

Fili, turning on his hearing aids, waved hello with a bright smile and Kili gave a gap toothed grin. 

"So, is there anything you needed to tell me?" asked Thorin, turning back to Dwalin after sending a fond look at her nephews. 

"Oh, nothing important," he replied, voice lightening and almost teasing. "Just that you're going to owe me a couple of drinks 'cause I just got you a new client. Again, nothing important, but-" he shrugged, a smile on his face. Thorin blinked blankly when Kili let out a whoop, shaking her tattooed arm. 

"You did it, Auntie!" he told her. "You've got a customer!" 

Fili's smile widened and he enunciated as clearly as he could, "Congratulations." She found herself smiling softly and signed _thank you_ to him before looking at Dwalin. Then she laughed and bumped her head gently against his, something they had done since they were little and he had inadvertently slammed his head into hers at school. 

"As I said before, you'll owe me some drinks," reminded Dwalin and she frowned at him. "But you can buy 'em after your client since God only knows what's in your bank account." He gave a dramatic shudder to get a laugh out of the boys. It worked, but also got a punch to his shoulder out of Thorin. 

"So, what am I going to fix? Who's the client?" she asked as calmly as she could, not wanting to show her excitement too much. 

"Honestly, don't even know. Balin said there's something wrong with 'er Yellow Bug. Was smoking and sh- stuff. Among other things. Along with a weird noise, he thought the thing was possessed. And the client-" he laughed. "Funny little thing. I've only seen her once or twice before since she's friends with Nori. Looks like a nice lady, but probably doesn't know jack about cars. I'm _sure_ you'll like her," he added, voice oozing with sarcasm. 

 

* * * 

 

With the help of Nori, Bilbo was able to call a pickup truck to drive her Bug to Irons Mechanic and Auto Shop. As she rode in the passenger seat of a rather skinny man with lank dark hair and huge, pale eyes, she couldn't help but feel every bump and jostle as they drove. She kept looking in the rear view mirror, feeling her stomach dip every time the Bug was jolted. The way it was haphazardly set up, it was almost as if it was being dragged. At the fourth bump, she gave a low moan of fright. 

Seemed right that Nori would give her the shadiest driver in town. 

The driver- Smeagol, according to his nametag- looked at her with his overly large eyes and gave her an encouraging smile. Her stomach turned as she saw the yellowed, even blackened numbs of his missing teeth. "Don't worry, Mis-s-s Bagginses," he told her. "We'll be at the mechanic soon and then he can fix your carses. Your precious carses..."

He trailed off, murmuring to himself a bit, and Bilbo practically jumped out of the car once they rolled up to the short cinderblock building of Irons Mechanic. She hastily grabbed a few pounds from her jacket pocket and handed it to him, maintaining a safe distance as the driver unhooked the car with the help of some of the workers at the garage. They were able to push it inside, opening the large automatic door, and she lagged behind as they hooked it up. 

She felt a burst of heat coming from the inside of the shop and felt warmer once she entered. She winced as the sound of drills and metal clanging assaulted her ears and she walked over to where her car was, feeling herself frown once she saw no mechanic in sight. 

Oakley, Balin had said the mechanic was named. She checked every name tag of each passing mechanic, not even noticing the woman behind her checking out her car. Tapping her foot impatiently, she pulled out her phone to dial Balin, see if this Thorin Oakley had taken a sick day, when she heard a voice speak behind her. 

"So, this is the Bug," the woman said and she turned around a little too fast, slamming her hip against the metallic edge of a rollable table. Biting her lip in pain, she looked down at her Oxfords and couldn't bring herself to look the woman in the eye for fear that she was laughing at her. 

"Looks more like a taxi than a car," she continued on in a mutter, seemingly oblivious that Bilbo was there. But as she flicked her icy blue eyes towards Bilbo, extending a grime covered hand, she knew exactly that she had purposely ignored her the first few seconds. She didn't take it as her eyes wandered to her new name tag. 

Thorin Oakley. Great. 

She wasn't exactly what she expected. 

The mechanic was tall, towering at possibly over 5'11, therefore making her client hardly up to her bicep. Striking features, beautiful but not classically, with what might be considered too much of a hooked nose, sharp cheekbones, and thick, arched eyebrows that were slightly heavy over her pale eyes. Her hair was the well kept locks she had always dreamed of, an ebony black and wavy. 

In short, she was one of the most immaculate creatures Bilbo had ever had the pleasure to see. 

"Are you the bookshop worker?" she asked, snapping her attention back. "Boggins, right?" 

"Baggins, actually," Bilbo corrected and was going to wave but decided it would only make her look more awkward. "That's... my car," she trailed off lamely, clasping her hands behind her back and fighting the urge to just run away. 

She felt like she was being x-rayed under her blue gaze. She cleared her throat, forcing a smile. The mechanic remained stony faced. "So, do you think that you could see what's wrong?"

Thorin grunted so she could only assume that meant yes, and rolled up her sleeves before lifting the hood of the Bug. Bilbo could feel her eyes widen once she saw the array of tattoos on both of her arms. She had never really been interested in tattoos, but Thorin's were nicely done and, she dared say it, attractive. There were lots of symbols and writings that she thought looked like Hebrew on her right arm. The black ink was bold on her pale skin and created a shocking contrast. On her left arm were dark blue and purple flowers, iris, and detailed raven's feathers. 

"So, what'd you say was going on with your car?" asked Thorin, jolting her from her observations. 

"Er, there was-" she gestured vaguely at the hood of the car "-smoke. This white smoke."

"Was there any signs of sputtering?" 

"Sputtering?"

"Yes. I assume you know what sputtering is?"

"I know what sputtering means!" said Bilbo waspishly, feeling her cheeks heat up in embarrassment as she saw the faint smirk flitting across the mechanic's thinly curved lips. 

"Good," she replied calmly in her rough voice. "I'll need to investigate the inner workings a little more closely..." she trailed off, rolling up her sleeves to her biceps and dirtying up her hands even more. Black oil stained her skin. "Hm."

"Hm?" repeated Bilbo. "What's 'hm' mean?"

Thorin looked up at her, her eyebrows raised in what might have been amusement. "You're a jittery thing, aren't you?"

" _Lady_ not a _thing_ ," she corrected, and Oakley nodded, an apologetic look crossing across her face. Maybe the sausage fest around her was starting to get to her head and cause her to spout nonsense. "Now can you tell me what's wrong with my car?" 

She nodded, eyes flickering to Bilbo and then to the yellow exterior of the Bug. "There's smoke coming from the valve cover gasket-"

"So what's that mean?" 

"I wasn't finished, Ms. Baggins-" Bilbo felt herself involuntarily shiver at the somewhat icy tone, and let the mechanic continue without interruption with a vague wave of her hand. Thorin circled around the car, keen eyes calculating. "You're burning gas- and yes, that's not very good. Were you able to drive in it?"

"Only for under ten minutes," she said with a shrug. "Then it went all... odd. So, how much to repair it? Are you able to start immediately?" She began digging around in her purse before stopping, noticing Thorin scuffing her boots against the concrete floor. 

"I could start in a little while, it's just that the repair costs are really pricey." 

Her eyes narrowed. "And just how pricey, Th- Ms. Oakley?"

"Three or four."

"Hundred?" Her heart sunk. 

"Thousand, actually," She looked slightly guilty as Bilbo's jaw dropped, her hopes of a repair for her beloved Bug scattered in the wind. "I- ah, sorry."

"Fine, it's fine," she brushed off with a nervous, not quite sane laugh. She leaned against the passenger door heavily and Thorin closed the hood, hovering close by hesitantly. She moved against the car right next to her, her grimy hands wiping themselves on a blackish rag. She smelled like leather and the strong oil from her car that made her stomach turn nauseously. 

"If I may, could I give you some advice?" she asked cautiously and Bilbo nodded. "You should just get a new car altogether. No offense, but your car is kind of old. Even if you find the money and I repair it, there could be more problems in the future. Broken muffler, coolant leaks, especially given the heat wave lately."

"Hm," was all she said in reply. 

"Hm," echoed Thorin, a smile beginning to tug at her lips. "So, what're you going to do?" 

Bilbo frowned, eyebrows drawing together in thought. "Guess I'll just have to get a new car. Try finding something cheap."

"Something cheap that actually works, you mean. Trust me, it's the worst when you get a bargain for a car and end up breaking down halfway from the dealer's. There are some good car dealers in town, just avoid Smaug's place. He's a right-" she stopped herself, coughing. "He's too pricy and not the nicest of blokes." 

That managed to draw a little laugh from her. "Yeah, it does. Thank you anyway. If I get a shitty car, then I guess I can always come to you again."

"Oh?" There was badly suppressed excitement in her voice. She must not have gotten many customers. 

Bilbo shrugged as nonchalantly as she could with a pretty woman right next to her. "Why not? Oh! I'll need to pay you for the advice and inspection, right?" 

"It's fine," Thorin said quickly. Her customer raised her eyebrows quizzically. "Trust me. You're one of the only customers to treat me with some respect or give me the time of day. So... it's fine." Bilbo ended up giving her enough money to buy a small dinner, ceasing her protests as she shoved the money into her pocket. 

"Thank you again, Ms. Oakley," she said. "Hopefully the next time we bump into each other, it won't cost me four thousand dollars. Goodbye." 

"Goodbye, Ms. Baggins." 

She shrugged her satchel across her shoulder and walked through the large, loud garage wondering if she would have to return there if her new car was as shitty as she thought. Part of her didn't mind. Even if the garage was humid and noisy and some of the mechanics weren't the nicest of people. Even if as she exited she was nearly pushed to the ground by two over-excited children yelling to see their 'Auntie'. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin turned off the lights of the shop, the white light fading and replaced by an eerie darkness. The garage was creepy without the light streaming in from the door, or the loud sounds that she had become accustomed to. She heard a rattle of a steel table, the wheels rolling followed by a small crash. She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and using her cellphone's light to guide her way towards her sheepish looking nephews. 

"Sorry," said Kili with an embarrassed grin.

"I thought I told you two not to fool around in the garage," she said disapprovingly and they began picking up the wrenches that had tumbled to the floor. 

"Sorry, Thorin," said Fili and she sighed before taking their hands. 

"Come on, we need to get home," she said, feeling Kili begin to swing his arm excitedly. "We've got a movie to watch, right Kili?" 

"Right!" 

"Is it _Iron Man_ again?" asked her older nephew. 

"Duh! What else?" asked his brother. 

"Okay, but I know every single word in that movie. And that's saying something since I need to go mostly by the closed captions." Kili giggled and Thorin lifted him onto her shoulders. 

"Wait, what about the ghost in the garage?" he asked after a gasp of realization that he forgot to look as the doors clanged shut behind them. "Auntie Thorin, what about the ghost? We never got to look for it!" 

"What?" asked Fili, confused. 

"Ghost," repeated Thorin for him. "I told your brother that there was a ghost in the garage."

He looked to his aunt, then his brother, then back to his aunt and signed, "And he believed you?" 

She gave him a hard look followed by a quick nod. "We'll look for the ghosts another day, alright Kili?"

"Promise you won't forget this time?"

"Promise."

She could faintly hear Fili trying to muffle his laughter as they opened Minty's faded blue doors. She was driving barely fifteen minutes when her phone began to ring. Dwalin's grumpy face was displayed on her cell, and Kili picked it up. He balanced the phone between his cheek and shoulder, nodding at something Dwalin was saying. 

"Kili, can you give me the phone?" she asked and he hushed her. 

"I'm being your secretary, you should be thankful," he replied and placed the phone against his chest so Dwalin wouldn't hear. "Dwalin wants to know if you'd be interested in checking out some cars with Nori."

 

* * * 

 

Since Bilbo was busy the next few days what with the bookstore's sales, Nori was able to sell the Bug. Originally, she foolishly thought that her friend had taken it to a dealer's, or even a junk yard. But no, she sold it to some inventing nutjob named Radagast who owned an abundance of pets along with an abundance of broken down cars. Bilbo, upon finding his colorful website that looked to her as if she was on drugs, was horrified to think of her car in such a person's care. 

"Relax, Bilbo," her co worker had said soothingly to her as she rang up a customer with frizzy gray hair buying medical books. "You got a decent amount of money for it, enough money to be able to purchase a semi-shitty car instead of a fully shitty car. You should be grateful- thank you, sir, that'll be £29.02."

"What was that, lassie?" he asked in a louder than necessary voice. "You're gonna have to speak up." 

"£29.02!" said Nori loudly. 

"What?" 

"£29.02!" she shouted and a few of the customers waiting in line began to grumble. Eventually, she just showed him the neon numbers displayed on the screen and he paid. "Can't believe he's Dwal's doctor."

Bilbo laughed as she restocked books closeby. "Really? I can't believe I haven't even met your boyfriend." 

Nori stiffened before shooting her a playful glare. "He's just shy, is all. He's very cautious around new people. Doesn't want to be judged."

"Well, no one wants to be judged," said Bilbo. "I bet he's a catch. You gush about his lots. From what Balin tells me, you two are mad for each other." Nori's melancholy smile widened and she leaned over, punching her shoulder playfully. "Do other people not see it?" 

"They just see that Dwalin doesn't have an Adam's apple, actually," she said quietly as so the old lady she was ringing up wouldn't hear. Bilbo froze. 

"Oh, Nori, don't tell me you've had to deal with people acting like-"

"Pricks? Yeah, quite a few," she replied and shrugged, forcing a crooked grin. "Anyway, it's fine. I already knew before Dwalin told me. He was scared I wouldn't like him anymore. But I do feel like a male on some days and a female on the others, so you can say I'm a good match for him."

Bilbo laughed. "And I bet that you're a very attractive couple, no matter what. Especially in those leather jackets you so love."

"Pfft, Dwalin and I could look good in potato sacks, my dear friend." 

They shared a laugh before a rather rude customer snapped her fingers at them. As they locked up at the end of the busy day, Bilbo shrugged on her light jacket. 

"You know, I've been looking into some dealer's, and maybe you and Dwalin can help pick one out with me," she suggested and Nori looked at her, sending a muffled reply since her keys her dangling from her clenched teeth. "Sorry? Could you repeat that? Maybe without the keys stuffed in your mouth." 

Nori spat out the keys with a satisfying _puh_! "I said it'd be cool. Dwalin could really get out of the house and stop being surrounded by all those broken cars-"

"To be surrounded by slightly broken cars?" asked Bilbo with a laugh. 

"Well, at least he'll just be taking it easy. It's nerve-wracking whenever he tries working on a car with that leg of his. I'll ask him when I get home, alright? He's babysitting Ori right now since Dori's been busy at the teashop ever since he got promoted to manager..." She continued talking about Dori's new position and this and that, but Bilbo could only think about the money she'd have to spend on a new car. 

Hopefully it would be worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin should have expected some meddling one way or another, judging by the smirk Dwalin wore when she picked him up in Minty to drive him to the car dealership.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is curious, Belladonna's father (who is Old Took, I think?) was an immigrant in this. Bella keeps her family's culture alive and frequently calls Bilbo nicknames in her language. And did you know that there are many Spanish surnames similar to Took? Tooke, Tooks, Tookes, and even more. I was very happy to learn that! 
> 
> Just wanted to share that thought. 
> 
> Thanks once again to the lovely musamortem <3 and to anyone who commented, gave kudos, or bookmarked this.

"So you're getting a new car?" asked Belladonna Baggins' voice over the phone. Her daughter's mobile was squished between her cheek and her shoulder as she dug around in her bag for her checkbook and wallet. "What's wrong with the old one? I always thought the Bug was cute. Efficient, too." 

"It was cute and efficient until it ex- decided to quit on me," replied Bilbo, trying to avoid violent words such as _exploded_ just in case her mother deemed cars unsafe and made her take the bus everywhere- or worse, ride her old bike that was still gathering dust in their old garage. 

"Ah, pity," she tutted. "You don't need a loan, do you?"

"I'll be fine, Ma. I've been saving to decorate around my flat, but it looks like I'll just spend the money on a new car with some added expenses, but it'll be a good buy. Dwalin and Nori are taking me to a nice dealer so I don't get scammed." 

"If you don't want to get scammed then you should've taken me with you," Belladonna said. The bell in her shop chimed faintly in the distance. "I still got it, _pequeña_. Just the other day these teens came in, and I handled them once I saw they were more interested in the cash register than the daisies." 

"Ma, that's horrible! You should've called me, or a police officer," exclaimed Bilbo as she walked out her green door, readjusting her leather bag across her chest. 

Belladonna snorted. "I can envision it now... 'Excuse me, officer, I think someone may be attempting to rob my shop.'" 

"Okay, okay, no need to be all sarcastic." 

She laughed. "Good luck with buying your car. Don't go to that bastard, Smaug." 

"I was the one who accidentally set his sleeve aflame during that date, so technically I might be considered the bastard," said Bilbo, stopping herself from adding that Smaug was already a self obsessed prick even before getting snappy at his designer jacket burning. 

Belladonna harrumphed. "Well, just go somewhere good. Are you positive you don't want me to-" 

"Bye, Ma," interrupted Bilbo in a sing-song voice and hung up once her mother grudgingly bid her goodbye. 

Sighing, she waited for Nori or Dwalin's car to pull up. She whistled once she saw a cherry red convertible cruise down the pavement, stopping seamlessly by the sidewalk. Show off. Nori popped open the door, looking like a summer dream in her plaid shirt several sizes too big for her. Must have been Dwalin's. Her hair was piled up and arranged in a star-like shape that could only have been done by the paint stained hands of Ori. 

"Where's your boyfriend? I thought you said I was meeting him," remarked Bilbo as she hopped in the front seat. She stroked the smooth leather seats reverently. "Where did you _get_ this car?" 

"Dwal's meeting us at the dealer's since he had to run a few errands," replied Nori and turned up the radio, letting Bilbo listen to a station she liked. "You'll see him soon."

"Everything I asked has been answered," said Bilbo with a mocking serious nod, the car swinging from its spot and skidding back into oncoming traffic. Cars honked, people yelled. Ah, the perks of having a Reese driving. "Except where you got the car. So, where'd you get it?"

She waved her hand vaguely and her passenger raised an eyebrow as the car picked up speed, the wind whipping her bushy brown hair. 

"You didn't steal it, did you?" No reply. "Your silence is concerning. If you need someplace to hide it, my mother's garage is spacious enough for another car." Part of her hoped Nori had bought the thing since her mother would actually kill her if she was aiding and abetting.

She shot her a look instead. She was very talented at communicating sentences and words through looks alone. Right now, she was giving her a look that could only translate as _it's time to be quiet and let me drive, Baggins._

"Fine," said Bilbo, shrugging. "Besides, if you stole it, you probably would've gotten Bofur and I involved in the scheme somehow."

She looked like she was going to defend herself, then pursed her lips and nodded admittedly with a small smile on her lips. 

The drive took longer than it should have due to an accident close by Edoras Car Dealership. Nori had frowned upon seeing the collision and police cars, choosing to cut around the car in front of them and squeeze past. Bilbo was impressed for hours afterward at the feat, especially what with the double parked cars, and most importantly that they didn't get a ticket. The convertible skidded to a halt in front of the brick garage of the dealership, a faded logo with two silhouetted horses on the walls. 

They walked past the shiny displays of cars, most new and in good condition along with some older and slightly rusted cars. There were even those little inflatable stick men that waved around. Nori eyed them suspiciously. 

"Have I ever told you how much I hate those things?" she muttered, squinting her eyes at the painted on smiling face. "Damn creepy."

"What things?" asked Bilbo absently, distracted by a violently green car that reminded her lime juice. Nori grabbed her chin and pointed her in the direction of the airdancers. "Ah, they're not that bad. Just don't look at the face."

"It's the movement that's weird. It's like they have no spine. Imagine if humans were like that?" Bilbo snorted and was tempted to do an impression of them but realized someone would probably see. The last thing she wanted was for the dealer to think her immature and foolish, eventually making her pay a more expensive fee for her new car.

"What, just flopping like a fish?" 

Nori shivered dramatically and they both laughed until they heard someone call them over. Bilbo turned to see a muscled man dressed in a baggy jeans and clunky boots. His features were curved and hard, his head tattooed and a black mohawk running down his scalp. Along with half a missing ear and knuckledusters, she all but squeaked in terror at Dwalin Fundinson, not even noticing the woman crouched beside him inspecting a car. 

"Dwalin!" called Nori and grabbed her arm, dragging her over. Dwalin's face broke into a gentle smile, his arms uncrossing. Bilbo grinned back nervously, waving. "This is Bilbo Baggins. She's the one we're helping find a new car. Bilbo, now you know my boyfriend, and I believe you already know Thorin." 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin should have expected some meddling one way or another, judging by the smirk Dwalin wore when she picked him up in Minty to drive him to the car dealership. Perhaps she should've left him on his stoop then and there. She had looked at him warily, lowering the volume of the radio station and staring at him challengingly. 

"What're you smiling about?" she asked him.

"What're you scowling about?"

That shut her up, and they spent most of the ride in suspicious silence. They had to wait fifteen minutes for Nori to arrive in her new convertible she had borrowed from Balin, and had already chatted with the dealer and looked at all of the cars by then. The dealership was nice, if a little small. Mr. Edoras was a respectable man, though his son along with his niece and nephew ran around trying to impale with their wooden swords the "witches" that were actually black cars. 

Thorin's favorite phrase of the day was when Theodred had pretended to be a witch unkillable by any man, to which Eowyn had gallantly replied, golden hair blowing in the light breeze, "I am no man!"

She had to go inside for a time-out after punching her cousin right in his nose. 

Eomer, the little boy with golden hair and glittering brown eyes, had hovered by Dwalin for the longest of times. "Are you a cop?" he asked at last after admonishing a now grumbling Thorin for leaning against one of the cars on display. 

"Used to be," he said, looking down at him. "Why?"

He shrugged and left, though he kept looking at him with an admiring smile from then on until his sister called him inside for lunch. A '67 Impala then caught Thorin's unwavering attention and she was looking at the immaculate tire rims when Dwalin called someone over. She looked back, standing up so fast that she banged her leg against the door once she saw Nori and Bilbo Baggins approaching. 

Her knee throbbed as Nori made introductions. She seemed to be caught a bit off guard, but offered a smile. Her brown eyes shone behind her glasses and Thorin firmly shook her hand. Her skin was warm and her hands were soft and uncalloused. 

"Looks like our visit will cost me money this time," Bilbo said jokingly. 

"Looks like," she said back and wished her voice didn't sound as strained as it did to her own ears. There was an awkward silence that made her want to hotwire a car and drive out of the place until Nori, thank God, decided to speak. 

"C'mon, let's go find a car for our little bookworm!" she exclaimed and looped her arm around Dwalin's. She gave Bilbo and Thorin an unreadable look before prancing about the shining, hot cars baking in the sun. 

Thorin just nodded her head at Bilbo with a tight smile, trailing after the three as they looked at the cars. Mr. Edoras came out of the garage, talking amicably with Bilbo as she told him her price range and what she was looking for. He soon pointed her towards two sections. 

"If you need anything, I'm right inside," he said. "Or if any of the little ones are close by, they'll be happy to fetch me."

She politely thanked him and was almost instantly pulled over by Nori to look at muscle cars. Thorin stayed by Dwalin, elbowing him roughly in his side once she was sure the coworkers were looking the other way. Unfortunately, his binder seemed to lessen most of her blow, though he still grunted. 

"What was that for?" he mumbled, glaring at her. 

"Next time you spring up a- a- whatever this is on me, then give me a warning in advance. Alright?" she hissed, attempting to smooth out her hair. "I would've combed my hair at least. I'd rather look like a slob in front of just friends and family, not customers who might pay me if something ever happens to their car. What'll happen if my only customer thinks I can hardly take care of myself?" 

"I don't see why you need to look nice in front of complete strangers," said Dwalin, pretending to look thoughtful. "Unless..."

"Unless what?" 

"Unless you thought they were attractive," he said with a wolfish smile and she scowled at him. "What? I thought I'd get you a date. If you're still not interested, then maybe you can get a customer. Possibly even two, since she's close with her mother who owns a rather depressing BMW." 

"Dwalin, do you know how embarrassing it is to flirt with a girl and find out she's straight?" Nori and Bilbo stopped, and she froze, thinking they heard her. She breathed a sigh of relief once they just continued looking at a little gray volvo. "Very embarrassing!" 

"Hey, I know," he said a little darkly and she sent him an apologetic look. "Nori said she was bisexual, anyway." 

"Bi- really?" Her eyebrows scrunched together, lips in a thin and pensive line. That meant- well, it meant that she would be willing to date a woman. Not that she wanted to date her. Cause she didn't. Nope. She was out of her league with her comforting smile and her round glasses and her red lipstick that made her weak at the knees-

_Damn it._

No, she did _not_ find Bilbo Baggins in her range of dating, so she would not even look at her. Okay, that was admittedly a little hard, considering; so she just would try not to think of her in any way whatsoever other than a client and a friend of a friend. She shook her head to rid herself of such thoughts, glaring at Dwalin. "That's twice the competition. I'd have to make myself look... _appealing_." 

"Nori's pan, and you don't see me making myself look like Brad freakin' Pitt everyday in case she finds someone more attractive than me," he said, adding seriously. "No one likes a stereotype." She murmured an apology. "You've gotta be confident, sure of yourself. And smile without looking as if the dentist were pulling out your teeth, would you?" 

"There's no way I could compete with that, especially when she's-" she didn't continue, stubbornly looking at Nori, a car, anything that wasn't Bilbo. 

"Pretty? Now you're just making up stupid excuses..." 

"Shut it," she said grumpily and he began laughing. Nori turned around, taking her eyes off of the sparkling silver dice hanging from the nearest car. 

"Anything funny?" she asked with a sly grin. 

"No," they both replied at the same time. 

"Good." She slapped Bilbo's back and she jumped slightly, sending a half hearted glare before looking back at the volvo. "Thorin," began Nori deeply, slinging her arm over her boyfriend's best friend as she stood on her tip-toes. 

"Yes?" she asked cautiously. 

"Bilbo was wondering if you would like to put your input on what car she should get," she said, sending Bilbo a mad grin. "Weren't you, Baggins?"

"I was?" she blurted out and then cleared her throat. She rocked on the balls of her feet, hands clasped behind her back as her flowered skirt swished against her legs. "Ah, yes, I was. Thank you for reminding me, Nori." 

With her thank you that didn't really sound like one, Bilbo leaned her hand against the car. "So, Ms. Oakley, what do you think of this one? Perhaps it's one that I won't have to take to the mechanic?" There was a hint of a shy, almost teasing smile on her lips. 

Thorin shuffled her feet awkwardly, shrugged off Nori, and began looking at the car. It looked durable and seemed to suit Bilbo. However, she frowned once she began looking at the complex inner workings under the hood. She remembered Dis having a volvo for years, able to drive hundreds of thousands of miles. It was very reliable, but they eventually traded it in for a new one, which turned out to be a mistake. 

"Volvos are good cars, but that was years ago," she told and carefully shut the hood. "They're very complicated. Almost unmaintainable, really, unless you have a well equipped shop with trained personnel to take care of it. All of that means lots of repairs that will only cost you even more money." 

Bilbo's shoulders slumped, lips pursing in a frown as she sighed through her nose. Thorin felt her heart skip at disappointing her, and her eyes searched the cars. 

"But!" she said quickly, a little _too_ quickly since Nori and Dwalin exchanged smug looks. "But that just occurs with the newer ones. I'm sure if we find an older model-"

"Older models break down, Thorin," remarked Dwalin. "She's better off just getting a new one."

"These ones don't, trust me," she argued and turned to Bilbo. "Dis had a '66 volvo she got for cheap. I almost killed her because I thought she got scammed, but it worked like a dream until we eventually traded it in. As long as we avoid any models made in the 90s, we'll be fine. What do you think?" 

Bilbo looked from Thorin to Dwalin before nodding. "I guess we can always try looking at some old volvos... Might even get a discount." She laughed nervously, her hesitant smile crooked on her face. "Don't see why not. Lead the way, Ms. Oakley." 

Thorin refrained from sending her friend a triumphant look as she and Bilbo began searching for volvos. It soon became clear that she knew next to nothing about cars since she got the brand confused with many others, but she had admittedly good taste. She pointed out some nice ones, though added with a smile that it was an option if they couldn't find a volvo. 

She seemed to smile a lot; she also seemed to trust the mechanic's judgement. 

They soon found a '74 volvo with rusted doors on its fire hydrant red surface. Bilbo was the one that saw it first, surprisingly, due to its brightness. "Red's my favorite color," she said, "even if this car is a little faded, but I can get the rust out, right?"

Thorin's hand glided along the exterior, calloused fingers rubbing lightly against the rust. "If you have the right materials, yes. You'd need a sander, a grinder, safety goggles, thick working gloves, and a dust mask. There isn't that much rust, so you won't need a respirator. Just take it a little at a time. First you would need to make sure the good spots don't get dust, so you would-" she stopped, suddenly becoming aware of Bilbo's attention solely on her. 

"I can always look it up," she said, though her tone was light and not dismissive. She opened the passenger door, crawling inside and sitting on the leather seats. Thorin was surprised she didn't get scorched considering that they had been sitting in the sun all day. She began to look at the controls, simple and not too complicated. Then, as if she were the mechanic, she opened the hood and began looking around. 

"No steam coming out, so that's good," she said and Thorin nodded, unsure if she was supposed to laugh. "It's a little... small, don't you think?"

"Small? It's a pretty decent size." 

"No, I mean, if I get hit by a larger car my chances of surviving are probably slim." She laughed even though it wasn't the happiest of conversations. 

"These are like tanks. You'll be perfectly safe in one of these." She patted the door experimentally, hand moving onto the side mirror. "So... you should get it." She realized she was leaning on it a little too much and removed her hand. 

"Yeah?"

Thorin nodded and felt Nori clap her hard on her back. "Excellent!" she said, sitting on the hood and absently playing with the thread of her cutoff shorts before resting her chin in her hands. Thorin was highly reminded of the Cheshire Cat. "We should go get one of the little ones to bring Mr. Edoras."

"You should just get him yourself," said Dwalin, arms folded across his chest. "They're known to scold customers for sitting on the merchandise."

"Good thing I don't play by the rules then," she said with a mischievous wink, rolling her shoulders, and was promptly shoved off, landing flat on the gravel. "Some boyfriend you are, Dwal. You can't damage the merchandise!" 

Bilbo laughed as Dwalin flashed her a thumbs up, and Thorin could feel herself begin to smile as Mr. Edoras walked out of the garage and towards them. 

 

* * * 

 

"It would be a lot easier if we just hired someone to do this," said Belladonna as Bilbo spread out the towel on her lawn. She sent her mother a look that said _I got this_ before placing a sander and a grinder on the fabric. She already had her overly large pair of safety goggles on, her gloves slapped onto her hands, and her mask hanging around her neck from its elastic string. 

"If you're going to just sit there and complain about my choices, then please put on the goggles and mask," she said patiently and tossed the extra mask and goggles to her mother. She grumbled about the bright yellow tone to the goggles before putting them on. "Now, I'm going to need you to keep an eye on the tools. You know how to set them up, right?"

"I have the instructions right here," she said and opened the pamphlet as she began piecing together the sander and grinder. "Jesus, these are complicated. I work in a flower shop, not NASA..." Bilbo slapped her hands away before she could accidentally plug in the grinder. 

"Sander first, then grinder," she corrected. She took out the masking paper from the grocery bag, placing them on the not rusted parts of the doors and taping them on. "Okay, Ma, now hand me the sander."

"Do I plug it in, or is it automatic?"

Bilbo blinked. "Automatic?"

"Yes, don't they have those?" Belladonna opened another page of the pamphlet, the paper unfurling almost to her bare feet curled in the grass. "'Failure to obey a safety precaution can result in serious injury to yourself or others. To reduce the risk of injury... fire? Fire, electric shock- oh, so it isn't automatic. I thought that was a thing. Ahem, to reduce the risk of injury, fire, electric shock, lacerations, evisceration, incineration-"

"Now you're just making the rest up."

Her mother snorted before folding it up. "Who needs instruction manuals anyway? Instruction manuals are for people who don't know what they're doing."

" _I_ don't know what I'm doing, Mama," groaned Bilbo and Belladonna sniffed haughtily. 

"Yes, you do. You are a Tooke! With an _e_ , mind you, before your grandfather decided to drop it because he couldn't pay for the extra letter on his shop. And do you want to know what type of shop it was?" she asked and Bilbo rolled her eyes, used to hearing this story a hundred times. "A hardware store that he worked at for years before meeting your grandmother and buying it. Fixing is in your blood." 

"But you're terrible at fixing things," she argued and Belladonna crossed her arms across her chest defensively, chin stuck out. "And so was _Abuelo_! He was only good at managing the business. Grandmother did all the work..." 

"It skipped two generations," she said. 

"It skipped _three_ generations." Her smile was hidden from her view due to her mask, and she started up the sander to block out her mother. 

Shaking her head and not having to worry about Belladonna hearing her laughter, she began to carefully sand down the rust. She jumped a bit once she pressed the sander too hard against metal, the sound making her grind her teeth together. After finishing the first door, she ran her finger along the now smooth surface and was handed the metal grinding wheel. It whirred to life and she slowly, carefully began to scrape away at the rust. 

"Make sure you go slow, _pequeña_ ," advised Belladonna unhelpfully.

"Ma, I _am_ ," she said patiently. Belladonna made a face as the scraping noise grew louder, plugging her fingers in her ears. She handed her phosphoric acid to spread on the metal after she was all done, polishing the smooth surface. "Great job, dear, but you missed a spot."

"What?" squawked Bilbo and groaned once she saw that she had indeed missed a spot right by the left-side mirror. "Hand me the sander, please." She took it and put her mask back on, turning it on and setting to work. By now, her hands were cramping from holding the machinery so tightly. She was afraid that if she dropped it then it might bounce off the floor and slice her, or something equally ridiculous. 

She was almost done with the sander when she realized her mother was talking to her. "Speak a bit louder. I can't hear anything except for this thing." 

"I asked if the mechanic who looked over your car was nice," Belladonna repeated, a mischievous look in her eyes. "Balin said she didn't charge you. That was kind of her, so she must be a decent person. That was my thinking, anyway." 

"Yes, it was," Bilbo said absently as she switched the sander and turned on the grinder. "She came with Dwalin and Nori to help me pick out a car. She said a volvo would be good for me..."

"Hm," she said thoughtfully. "You know, you don't see many female mechanics. She must be good. Likes her job and everything." She drummed her tanned fingers against her periwinkle skirt, and her daughter knew she was dying to ask more questions. "What was her name?" 

"Thorin Oakley," sighed Bilbo, beginning to grind down the rust and pay extra attention to the mirror. The last thing she needed was to break something, or scratch her windows. She wasn't sure how much it would cost to fix it, but she didn't feel much like spending even more money. 

"Age?"

"I don't know, a little older than me? What's with the interrogation?" She looked quickly to her, eyes narrowing. "Are you planning something? Because the last time you tried that sort of thing, I had a disastrous date with Lyla Cotton. Remember that? Her ex was the head chef of the restaurant. I'm pretty sure there was spit in my soup. 

"Just asking simple questions and spending quality time with my daughter," said Belladonna defensively, but there was a mischievous smile on her face as she asked, "Was she pretty?" 

She quickly felt her hands press too hard against the car. A small shout from Belladonna and an unearthly cracking sound later, the already loose mirror snapped off completely. 

"Mama!" whined Bilbo, shutting off the grinder and cradling the snapped mirror in her hands. Its glass had cracked as soon as it slammed against the concrete driveway. "How much will this cost to repair?" 

"I'm sorry for distracting you, dear," sighed Belladonna and began picking up the stray fragments of glass. Bilbo shrugged her shoulders, not able to keep a grudge over her mother, but soon found herself frown once she saw the dopey smile on her face. 

"What?" 

"So, was she pretty?" 

" _Mama_!"

 

* * * 

 

"You think our plan worked?" asked Nori, voice slightly muffled as her face was buried in a pillow. Ori was on top of her back, happily watching a cartoon while munching on popcorn. Dwalin vaguely wondered how she knew it was him that came through the door, or even how she was breathing at the moment. He sighed, hanging up his light jacket before sitting down on the couch. 

"Hey, Dwalin!" chirped Ori, offering a small fistful of popcorn. He took it and rolled around the buttery pieces in his hand before throwing them in his mouth. "What plan is Nori talking about?" 

"Nothing important, Ori," said Dwalin with a tight smile and there was mumbling from Nori's pillow. "You're going to have to speak up if you want me to hear you." She jumped up, sending Ori sliding down her back and into Dwalin's lap. He deposited the boy on his armchair, ignoring his complaints. 

"I think Bilbo is interested," she said decisively, letting herself be pulled on Dwalin's lap. Ori groaned before gluing his eyes back to the TV. "She was smiling for a while. I even got a call from Belladonna asking if I had gotten her daughter drunk."

Dwalin raised his eyes, wrapping his arms around her upper chest and resting his chin on her shoulder. "And what'd you tell her? That a retired cop supervised the whole thing?"

"No, I told her that I would rather get her daughter high since the after effects were funnier," she replied, wrinkling her aquiline nose while he laughed. She elbowed him playfully, a smile on her face. "It's not funny! I said I was joking, but she was too busy yelling at me. I detected a few curse words that Bilbo taught me." 

"Belladonna is adventurous, but when it comes to her daughter she'd rather her stay home and be safe."

"Smoking pot isn't dangerous. Has anyone ever died from that? I doubt it." She sighed, then her eyes flicked to Ori. "We probably shouldn't talk about pot in front of Ori," she said in a whisper. Dwalin looked down at her tilted head, their noses touching briefly. 

"He probably just thinks it's something you use in the kitchen," he replied and she shrugged. 

There were a few moments of peace filled with comfortable silence while Dwalin played with the reddish ends of Nori's hair, the quiet occasionally pierced by the sound of explosions and the voices of Ori's cartoon with those alien space rocks. Dwalin was beginning to doze off when he felt his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. 

Nori's eyes shot open, lips in a thin line. "That's new."

He gave her a vaguely annoyed look (her response was a kiss that he ducked) and answered. "Fundinson." 

"Why can't you say 'hello' like everyone else?" she muttered, pierced eyebrow raised. He mouthed out, "cop thing" before focusing on the phone. 

"Uh, Dwalin this is Bilbo. Nori gave me your number," said the slightly hesitant voice. Nori's head perked up and she made grabbing hands for the phone. Her boyfriend held it out of her reach, torso stretching painfully as he tried to keep the phone by his ear. 

"Oh, hey, Bilbo. Anything you need?" 

"She wants to talk to me. Hand over the phone," she said and made a whining sound when he wrapped his leg around her waist, pinning her to the couch.

"You know, some of your friends actually _like_ me," he told her.

"Yes, I was wondering if I could speak to Nori, please. She's not picking up her mobile." 

He frowned, reluctantly handing over the phone. "It's for you."

"Ha!" Nori gave him a triumphant smile before pecking his cheek lightly, pressing the phone between her ear and shoulder. "Hey, Baggins. What's up?" Her eyebrows slowly rose to her hairline. "You broke the car?!" Dwalin and even Ori's head snapped to her, and she held up a hand. "Oh, you broke off the mirror. Well, that's not so bad, I guess." She covered the mouthpiece with her hand. "Dwalin, how much will the repairs cost?"

"Depends on the mirror she buys, but I'd say £19.21 at the most. You're better off taking it to Irons since you'll need tools to fix it." 

Nori took back the phone. "Got that, Baggins? Great."

An idea suddenly popped into his head. "Tell her that Thorin might be able to get her a discount." 

Her eyes widened and she nodded approvingly. "I knew there was a reason I love you. Billie, you should go to Thorin. She might be able to get you a discount. If not, she'll get the job done right." There was a moment of quiet on the other end and Dwalin leaned in. 

Bilbo sighed. "I don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of her. No discounts. Do you have her number?" 

"Don't worry, we'll make the appointment," said Nori and promptly hung up. 

"So," Dwalin prompted.

"So."

"Looks like Thorin is getting a surprise visit, huh?" 

He sighed. "I'll make sure to tell Bilbo to come at a good time then." 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin glared at Kili, watching his hand slink away from her toolbox as he grinned sheepishly. "Hm, that's what I thought." 

"Sorry, Auntie," he said, instead choosing to drum his fingers on his shorts to keep himself occupied. He looked around the busy shop. It had taken him a while to get used to the sounds, but now he seemed to hear everything and didn't mind it one bit. Fili sometimes boasted how the noise never hurt his ears, that he just had to turn off or lower his hearing aids. 

"Why aren't you getting any customers today?" asked Fili, peeking his face out from behind his book. Thorin pursed her lips, noticing Kili sending his brother a warning look, and tightened her hands on the handle of the sopping wet mop. 

"I'm on cleaning duty because some moron spilled gasoline everywhere," she replied patiently and her youngest nephew guffawed. She pointed around to the dark sludge and the corners of Fili's lips twitched upward. "Guess it's just not my day."

"What about your customer from Saturday?" asked Kili, looking around. "Where's she?"

"Customers don't come everyday, Kee," muttered Fili, mouth pinched together in a grimace. He always seemed to make that face after speaking aloud, but only liked to use sign language at home. Something about drawing too much attention to himself. "How did that go, anyway?" 

"It was alright," shrugged Thorin and gave Kili a small smile. "Maybe that customer _will_ come in everyday, but I got her a new car, so that highly unlikely." 

"What was the car?"

"'74 volvo, red, old," she answered. "A pretty cool car, if I do say so myself."

"Do you think we can see it?" She shrugged. 

Kili made a disappointed sound and swiveled his head as a faded, slightly rusted car coasted to the front of the garage, one of its mirrors missing. A short figure stood by it hesitantly, wringing their hands together.

"Was the car rusted?" he asked and Thorin's eyebrows knit together, eyes looking at him questioningly. 

"Yes, why?" 

He pointed to Bilbo Baggins's car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! I had fun writing it. I'm going to have even more fun with the next two chapters haha. 
> 
> If anyone is OOC in this, feel free to tell me. Or if you see anything that should be changed, then likewise. I have difficulty writing this Thorin, but I do love writing Nori and Dwalin :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo pulled up to Bag End Flower Emporium, dark fingers tapping in a steady rhythm as she waited for her mother to join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws a bunch of mutual pining at you*
> 
> Translations:  
> Puedo ser aún más vergonzoso- I can be even more embarrassing.

Bilbo pulled up to Bag End Flower Emporium, dark fingers tapping in a steady rhythm as she waited for her mother to join her. She briefly debated honking the horn before remembering she would be fined, so she instead stared at the colorful yellows and greens of the shop. She remembered helping her mother paint the finishings’ bright colors, then letting her mother take over as she painted colorful sunflowers on the white stucco. 

She didn't have much time to stare at the painted flowers since the shop's bell chimed faintly and her mother tapped impatiently on the glass. Her lips were pursed, eyebrows arched in annoyance. With her ridiculously large sun hat and dress, she looked like a vaguely pissed off tourist. Bilbo resisted laughing and slowly rolled down the window, trying not to smile as she stuck her chin out with the same impertinence as her mother. She leaned her cheek against her palm, looking up at her with imploring innocent eyes. 

"How may I help you, ma'am?" she asked and Belladonna mumbled something under her breath before plopping onto the passenger seat. She strapped up, glaring at her daughter. 

"Don't give me any of that shit. You're late," she said, arms crossing across her white dress. "I told you to be here fifteen minutes earlier, Bibiana Baggins."

"I'm never late," she said stubbornly as the car began to move, slowly turning the corner and heading its way towards the mechanic's. She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Nor am I early."

"Oh? Then when exactly do you arrive, love?"

"Precisely when I mean to," Bilbo said and caught her mother's lips quirk upwards. "Now, you said that you wanted to go to the grocer's or something? Which one?"

"The one around the corner from the mechanic's, thank you."

She made a face. "That one? But you always complain that it's the dirtiest one in England. Didn't you say that the last time you went there, you felt a rat scuttle across your feet?"

"I said something large and hairy, and that was my fault, anyway, for wearing sandals while running errands. Now I'm wearing my training shoes, you see?" 

Bilbo looked at her ratty trainers, raising a thick eyebrow. "You mean your trainers, right?"

"Yes, those. They don't really match, but they're comfortable, see?" She laughed as she shoved her foot in her daughter's face. Bilbo kept her eyes on the road and shoved her feet off of her shoulder, turning on the radio. Her mother briefly stared at it before turning it on to her usual station. 

Belladonna shot her a look not to change it as she rifled through her bag. She shoved a roll in the denim pocket of her daughter's shorts. "That's for the repairs. Spend it at the mechanic's and don't let Nori get her hands on it. Last time I gave her money for a new shirt she came back with candy." 

"I don't need this, Ma,” she whined, trying to dig in her pocket when she realized her shorts were too tight for it. Belladonna harrumphed. 

"You can't get it because of those stupid shorts," she said and Bilbo rolled her eyes. "What? They're so high up! Look, it's like it's the seventies again, only we wore bell-bottoms."

"Well, high waisted shorts are in style now."

Belladonna looked at her shirt suspiciously. "And are tight shirts also in style? Or are those only in style when you're meeting attractive mechanics?"

Her daughter said nothing as they rolled up to the auto shop. 

"Ma, Dwalin set up the appointment for the repairs, so I can just park right in there. Do you want me to drop you off at the grocer's?" she asked. 

Belladonna shook her head, looking at the auto shop with a somewhat determined expression before exiting from the car and readjusting her heavy purse. "I can walk, _pequeña_. You just go get the repairs all done and tell the mechanic I said hello. And that you're single." She shot her a meaningful look, ignoring her daughter's annoyed whine. 

She ignored her, helping her daughter from the car and fixing her hair. Bilbo swatted her away once she pulled her hair from its tie, her bushy curls fluffing onto her shoulders. "Okay, what are you doing now? Ma- mama!" 

"I'm making you look appealing to attract a mate," Belladonna said wisely and Bilbo pushed her away. 

"Done! I'm done! If you don't go to the grocer's right now then I'm taking you home!" she said strictly and glared at her mother once she poked her stomach. Belladonna pushed back a loose curl before nodding. 

"Fine, fine. Do you need anything at the store?" 

" _No_ , Mama." 

"Are you sure? What about anything from the camping section?"

"Why would I need anything from the camping section?" 

"You can get one of those camouflage suits. For when you go hunting for women." Bilbo groaned and Belladonna shrugged, adding, "Or men." 

She gave her an encouraging smile before tottering off to the grocer's, leaving her daughter thoroughly embarrassed as she slumped in front of the auto shop. 

Bilbo sighed, running her hands through her hair, and caught sight of Dwalin, waving to him. He hobbled over to her, his steps a bit more graceful than the last time she saw him. It seemed that he was able to swing on his crutches a bit, giving him some more speed. He offered a small smile when he was by the car. 

"Good morning, Bilbo," he said in his usual gruffness. He made a disapproving noise once he caught sight of the busted mirror hanging by a thin cord. "Alright, so how'd you do that? Specifically, how'd you do it so quickly?" 

She sighed. "You know how there was more rust on the doors? I got everything this website told me to, sanded it down, got that grinder thing... I got distracted and ended up kind of-" she frowned, chopping her straight hand into her other palm, making a cracking noise that sent Dwalin's eyebrows raising. "Yeah. I accidentally cut it off with the grinder." 

"Jesus Christ, Bilbo," he breathed, a wry chuckle escaping from him. "You have the worst luck with cars I've ever encountered in my life. And that's including Nori, who once stole a stolen car. Well, it's a good thing Thorin has good luck with 'em. I'll take the car up."

She nodded, not able to help twisting her hands nervously as he got in. "Ah, you don't think that I've been bothering Thorin lately, do you? I feel bad. All she seems to do is helping me."

"She's getting paid this time, don't worry," was all Dwalin said in reply, not very comforting in her opinion. 

Her car was pulled up to Thorin's little workstation quickly, yet the mechanic was nowhere in sight. The only people there weren't even fully grown - just two boys. One was in his early teens, his blond hair fluffy and shiny, and the other a short boy much younger than him. His hair was a dark brown and his bangs drooped into his eyes, his short fingers clutching a blue crayon as he scribbled on paper. 

Dwalin's frown deepened as he slammed the door shut. "Where'd Thorin go? She was here not five minutes ago."

The blond boy shrugged, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear. Bilbo's eyebrows knit together once she saw the hearing aid, and she felt her stomach twist as he looked at her with crystal blue eyes. The same as Thorin's, in fact. The younger boy said something to Dwalin and she could feel her stomach twist even more. The resemblance to the her was uncanny. They could only be her sons. 

But why should she care? She shouldn't. It was none of her business, right? 

"Bilbo?" Dwalin asked her, snapping his fingers in front of her face. She looked up, feeling guilty for tuning out of the conversation. "Hmph. Give me a minute or two to find where Thorin ran off to. I'll be right back. You can stay with Fili and Kili in the meantime."

Dwalin went off to go find his friend before she could argue. Bilbo bit her lip nervously, mustering a smile as both boys stared at her with raised eyebrows. She drummed her fingers against her shorts deciding to break the silence. "So... your names rhyme. Your mother do that on purpose?"

"My name's Kilian and this is Filip, with an _f_ instead of a _ph_ ," the younger one explained, swinging his legs from his stool. He smiled crookedly at her, his two front teeth missing. "Fili came up with the nicknames 'cause he thought it was funny when it confused Auntie Thorin."

She felt her heart lighten at the word _Auntie_. "Oh. I see." She turned around, pretending to look around the shop in an attempt to hide the goofy smile trying to spread on her face. What was wrong with her? She resisted smacking her own cheeks, wondering if they would become even hotter. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin wasn't sure why she ran once she saw Bilbo approaching the shop. What she was sure of, however, was that she had oil smudges all over her face, she was wearing her trousers that Dis said were "mom jeans", and was overall not looking professional enough to make a good impression. Not that she _wanted_ Bilbo to think highly of her. No, she didn't care. She was just a customer, right?

Admittedly a customer who kept seeing her every other week and was really, really cute, but a customer all the same. 

She paced in the dingy hallway to the restrooms when she heard the door swing open. Dwalin's heavy footsteps thudded in her ears and she didn't need to look at him to know his eyebrows were raised and his arms were crossed, unimpressed by her antics. She frowned at him.

"What's your problem?" he asked patiently. 

"On my menstrual cycle," she lied and stormed into the ladies room. She shut the door and went to sit down on the toilet before deciding it was safer to lean against the sink. Dwalin walked right in and she jumped, tossing a toilet paper roll at him. 

"God, Dwalin, I thought you thought the men's room was better!" she exclaimed, and scowled at the roll he expertly caught. 

"I do, but the one here smells like piss and Axe spray," he said and sighed, resting his back across the wall from Thorin. "Come on, Thorin. I'm your best friend. Can you please tell me what's going on?" 

She was silent for a while, shifting her feet anxiously. "I just kind of feel embarrassed around Bilbo, okay?" 

"Why?" He stopped himself, then his shoulders slumped. "Thorin, Nori and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. We were just hoping to get you to meet some new people. She thought you and Bilbo would've hit it off." He ran his hands through his mohawk. "Listen, if you don't feel like being around her, I can always tell her for you. I won't try setting you up with someone unless you give me express permission from now on."

"No, it's not that, Dwalin," she said, mustering a small smile for him. "I just- I'm not that well versed in this kind of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

She wasn't sure how to reply, so she didn't. She just shrugged and looked at him, hoping he could get the message and know what she meant." 

"Being interested in someone?" Oh, thank God. She could just about hug him, but settled for nodding. "It's a perfectly normal thing, Thorin. You know that right?" 

"Of course I do!" 

"Okay, then how about you try it just for today?"

"I've never tried it before, Dwalin. That's the point." She kicked her scuffed shoes against the floors of the bathroom. "Odd, isn't it?" 

"Nah, not really," he said and she looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. "Lots of people don't experience attraction, romantic or sexual. I won't ask which you're feeling, since it's your business. The point is that it's up to you to decide who you're interested or not. Sounds to me like you might like Bilbo. If not-" he shrugged. "It's your business, Thorin. Just gotta test it out, right?" 

She nodded, turning on the faucet and beginning to scrub her face. The oil smudges from her face were transferred onto her palms, fading and streaming down the sink. "Alright. I- I think I'll try and get to know Bilbo better." She could feel her lips form a grin and tried to wipe it off her face. Her face became serious, mouth pinched as she looked at her friend. "And if it doesn't work out then it's done, correct?" 

Dwalin laughed and patted her shoulder roughly as she went back to her station, telling her quickly that her customer has managed to hack off her mirror with a grinder. She felt her footsteps slow once she caught sight of Bilbo talking to Fili and Kili. The boys were laughing at something she said, and there was an almost sheepish looking smile on her face. She had a nice smile, dimples in her cheeks and the corners of her mouth slightly uneven. Thorin realized she hadn't moved when Dwalin promptly nudged her with his crutch, nearly toppling her. 

He gave her a thumbs up and she nodded jerkingly. Before she could say something incredibly witty (or incredibly stupid) to Bilbo, Kili caught sight of her. He waved enthusiastically, looking from her and then to Bilbo with an excited smile. Thorin felt herself pale but managed to walk with a proud spring in her step towards her customer. 

"What brings you here now, Ms. Baggins?" she asked as pleasantly as she could and Bilbo laughed, looking a little embarrassed. 

"Busted the mirror, it seems," she replied and Thorin tilted her head curiously as she look at the hanging mirror. "That'll teach me to be more careful with handling a grinder. I think I'll just leave the rest of the rust alone, don't you?" 

Thorin smiled softly, cutting the wire attaching the mirror to the door. "It does give the car character. Let me see if we have a similar mirror in the back."

"I'll get it, Thorin," said Fili, a mischievous tone in his voice that she hadn't heard for quite some time. She looked at him suspiciously, handing over the cracked mirror. 

"Are you sure? You might get the wrong size," she warned and Kili sprung up.

"Nonsense!" he said, swerving around her and grasping the mirror from his brother's hands before he could say a peep. "If we need help, we can always ask Dain. He's always back there." He nodded wisely, then raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Bilbo. "We'll just give you time to talk and make-"

"Arrangements for the pricing," interrupted Fili, elbowing his brother in his ribs. The sudden motion made Kili drop the mirror in the air, the piece quickly snatched back into his older brother's fingers. They both ran off, whispering to each other and occasionally elbowing or shoving roughly. 

"They're cute," said Bilbo after a moment of awkward silence. Thorin tried not to jump at the sudden interruption of the quiet. 

"Yeah, when they want to be," she muttered and her customer chuckled.

 

* * * 

 

 _Bilbo_. 

That was what was scrawled in long, spidery writing on the scrap of paper. Her number was written the same way, and Thorin couldn't help but think of what she had said to her would look like written out. 

"Here's my number in case I end up breaking my car even more," she had said. And she had laughed. 

_Bilbo._

Not _Ms. Baggins_ , or just _Baggins_ , or _Billie_. 

It was just Bilbo. 

For some reason unknown to her, it made Thorin smile. Just a little bit. She stopped once she heard Dis' footsteps from upstairs, and she shoved the scrap back into her pocket. Dis emerged in her scrubs, chocolate brown hair out of place and her arms laden with the large laundry basket. She glanced at Thorin's pocket suspiciously for a moment before dropping the basket on the table. 

"Help me fold these up?" she asked and her sister nodded. There were a few minutes of comfortable silence involving Thorin folding up Spider-Man underwear and Dis folding her old concert T-shirts in their special piles when the younger spoke. 

"So, who's Bilbo and why do you have his number?" she asked, her brown eyes sparking, and Thorin repressed a groan. 

"Just a customer," she replied, finishing up Fili's favorite pair of jeans. "And they're a 'she' not a 'he'."

"Hmph," was all Dis said. It seemed she was unable to help herself. "Was she a cute 'she' or 'just a customer' as you said before."

Thorin was ready to deny that the Baggins was cute, but admittedly shrugged in defeat. Dis was always able to see through her lies, even little white ones. Her sister smiled, the resemblance to Kili uncanny. She nudged Thorin's shoulder, wiggling her shoulders suggestively. "So, did you, like, fix her car?" 

" _What_?" 

"Fix her car? But not her actual car, if you get my meaning." 

"I swear to God, there's something wrong with you," Thorin said gravely and her little sister laughed. "I literally fixed her car, in case you're still serious. Not the type of thing you're implying. She ended up breaking her mirror after I helped her pick out a new car, so I repaired it for her."

"Did you give her a discount? A discount would have been nice," said Dis sagely and Thorin wanted to slap herself for not thinking of that. "Let me guess, you forgot?" She said nothing, not feeling up to getting a scolding look. Dis snorted. "Okay, how many more questions am I allowed before you shut me out like some nosy-body?"

She chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. "I'll give you five questions. You're making chicken soup tonight so I feel like I'm in a charitable mood." 

"Any question?"

Thorin backtracked on her decision. "Yes or no questions." 

Dis sighed but nodded, looking considerate for a good long while. Thorin flicked her arm. "Dis, this isn't life or death. Just yes or no. Or no questions at all," she warned. 

"Was she nice?" 

She tucked Kili's socks in his pile. "Yes." 

"Do I know her?" 

"No." She put Kili's stuffed bear on the table, wondering faintly why it was in the wash. 

"Do any of our friends know her?"

"How'd you think she became my customer, Dis? Yes, now two questions left, so make them count." 

The pressure was on as Dis put her chin in her palm, looking around the apartment with a ponderous expression. "Um, is she pretty?"

Thorin thought of her briefly before nodding. She could practically feel Dis' smile since her eyes were averted downwards as she folded Fili's button-up shirt. She absently smoothed out the remaining creases before telling her sister that she had one more question left. 

"Would you consider going on a date with her?" 

She shrugged, but it seemed that was good enough for Dis. She couldn't help but think that chicken soup better be worth it. 

 

* * * 

 

Belladonna watered the tiger lillies, the water spilling onto the red pot as she kept looking back at her daughter. Bilbo was typing on her laptop who seemed to be enjoying her Saturday judging by the concentrated expression on her face. It was the same look she had even when she was little and scribbling down nonsensical stories. Now her crayons were replaced with a keyboard and her stories replaced with beautiful poetry hoping to get published. 

She placed down her watering can, feeling herself smile at her daughter's pinched eyebrow and tongue poking out from her lips. "How's the poem coming along, _pequeña_? You said you had a block not two weeks ago." 

Bilbo shrugged, sending her a crooked smile. Her dark brown curls were coming undone from her yellow headband, her glasses perched haphazardly on her nose. "Guess I got some inspiration. Maybe it's being surrounded by all these colors." She gestured to the flowers around her, eyes lingering by the irises. 

"Just the flowers?" she asked. 

"Irises and ravens, actually," she replied, listing out several words on her fingers. "Blue, leather, ice, stern, soft-spoken, and m-" she went to say 'motor oil', but stopped herself. She shrugged. "Just some words I've gathered from walking around while on break at Fundinson's." 

"Pretty," Belladonna remarked. 

"Yes, they _are_ pretty words," said Bilbo proudly and her mother patted her shoulder. 

"Actually, it was a suggestion. For whoever you're writing that poem about," she said and kissed the top of her head before heading in the back of the shop, leaving her daughter to stare at her computer. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin stared at the wrinkled strip of paper, Bilbo's name and number slightly faded. She had accidentally left the note in her jumpsuit, which Dis had thrown in the wash complaining that it smelled strongly of motor oil and grease. Kili was delighted to call his aunt a "grease monkey" until he was scolded for it. Halfway through the wash Thorin realized she forgot the paper, and had foolishly opened it mid-wash. 

The annoyed looks she received from Dis seemed to last a lifetime, but the cleaning of soap from the floor only lasted under an hour. Fili offered to help, so he lessened her burden. Kili settled for sitting on top of the dryer, eating popcorn and telling them when they missed a spot. 

Now, the mechanic looked at the paper, then her phone. She unlocked it, going to her keypad before freezing and shutting her phone, shoving Bilbo's number back in her pocket. 

 

* * * 

 

Bilbo sighed, cheek pressed against the palm of her hand. Her eyes were beginning to strain as she stared at her computer screen. The white background of the document was hurting her eyes, and she rubbed them irritably. The cafe she was taking her lunch break in was bustling as always, but now the sounds seemed to drill in her head. 

She exited from her document, saving the fragmented phrases, and opening up her other poem. She had her deadline for that travel agency magazine coming up in a week, two poems that would be featured on the front and back page. _Write about how traveling makes you feel_ , the editor had told her. _Going out your door, on adventures. Trying new things. You'll write how you are before a trip, then after._

"So, how're those poems going?" asked a familiar voice suddenly, and she jumped. Bofur smiled at her, taking the empty seat across from her once she removed her feet. "That Erland guy is a bit of a jerk, but I bet he'll like whatever you have." 

"Hmph," she mumbled. "All I have is the first poem, and it's still in the works. Think you can look it over for me?" 

Bofur turned the laptop towards him, taking off his hat and placing it on the table. Bilbo grabbed it, hovering it over the surface. "I thought you said hats on the table were bad luck, Bof." 

"No, hats on the bed are. They mean someone died," said Bofur, and she nodded as she remembered her rather nerve wracking experience with his Italian grandmother. "Shoes on the table are bad luck. I'm still unsure whether it's acceptable to put your feet _in_ your shoes on the table. I've lost count of all the things I can't do in my grandmother's house." 

She snorted, finishing up her sandwich as her coworker read her poem. He nodded, clearing his throat. 

" _Roads go ever ever on,_  
_Over rock and under tree,_  
_By caves where never sun has shone_ ,  
_By streams that never find the sea;_  
_Over snow by winter sown_ ,  
_And through the merry flowers of June_ ,  
_Over grass and over stone_ ,  
_And under mountains in the moon_ -" he recited. 

"Okay, that's enough," Bilbo warned, beginning to blush as some customers looked their way. Bofur took the laptop from her reach, continuing:

" _Roads go ever ever on_  
_Under cloud and under star,_  
_Yet feet that wandering have gone_  
_Turn at last to home afar._  
_Eyes that fire and sword have seen_  
_And horror in the halls of stone-_ Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, this is intense." 

Bilbo laughed and snatched back her laptop. "I know. I had more of a fantasy thing in mind, so I'll have to change it a bit. If it needs an audio, you'll be the first one I call." 

Bofur saluted her with his steaming cup of coffee before downing it. She turned the screen back towards her, leaving the document and staring at the folder labeled _Motor Oil._

"Anything else you need me to read for ya?" 

She snapped it shut. 

"Nope." 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin was slumped in her chair, eyes flickering from her phone to Bilbo's number. It was quiet in the apartment, for once, until she heard Dis shout from the living room, "Just call her and stop looking majestically into the distance, you dope!" 

 

* * * 

 

"Are you sure that you want to walk all the way to that shop?" asked Bilbo. "Mama, it's far and I highly doubt Beorn's flower shop is as good as yours. There's no reason to waste time on a perfectly good evening. Besides, he'll probably be closing up soon. You said he has similar hours to you-" 

"It's fine," Belladonna said dismissively, swinging her large purse on her shoulder. 

"Okay, then I'll come with you-"

"No, I can scope out the competition myself, _pequeña_. Maybe next time. He has a sweet spot for you and you could pose as a good distraction, little bunny." She kissed her nose once she noticed her hesitant frown. "Now go to the shop. We've got a shipment of lavender coming in and Bifur will need help." Bilbo groaned at being sucked into work on a Friday and waved before driving off. 

Belladonna waited until she turned a corner before turning around completely and heading for the mechanic's. It was an innocent plan, really. She just wanted to meet this woman her daughter kept thinking about. According to Nori and Bofur, she was writing incredibly sappy love poems and something needed to be done immediately. So she would just pop in to see this Thorin, and perhaps ask if she was gay. 

Or bisexual. That was what Bilbo said, right? She kind of lost count of all the sexualities she told her about, though she often tried her best. At least she wasn't like Balin, who thought LGBT+ was a variant of BLT when Dwalin came out as transgender. Thankfully, they were both a bit more well versed in such topics for "old timers". 

Wait, would it be rude to ask if Thorin was gay? It probably was... She should just play it safe and try to guess, but wouldn't that end badly for Bilbo if she was straight? Oh dear, this was more complicated than she would have hoped. 

So caught up in her thoughts, she walked right past the auto shop and had to double back. She ducked under the low door, dodging leaving customers and looking around. So far she didn't see any women in the garage whatsoever, until a definitely female voice called out two rhyming names. A giggling boy with messy brown hair ran past, a heavy toolbox in his hands, and an older boy with yellow hair chased after him. 

"Kili, give it back to Thorin!" he said, attempting to corner the boy. He instead slammed into a burly man with gray streaked ginger hair. "Sorry, Dain!" 

Dain Irons, judging from his nametag, just chuckled and walked over once he saw Belladonna waiting patiently by the front desk. He smiled at her, eyes twinkling. She couldn't help but think his beard was a bit much, his mustache so curved they were like elephant tusks, but she decided not to say anything since she was still an impressive 4"11' and he looked over six feet. 

"Is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?" he asked. 

"Oh, I was just looking for a mechanic."

"Which one? I can point you in the right direction. Or I can fix up whatever you need myself. It's not often we get pretty customers." 

Belladonna resisted snorting and just laughed awkwardly. "Ah, it was a woman named Oak or something. I'm not exactly sure." 

"Oh, Thorin? I can get her over-"

"Mama!" hissed a voice and Belladonna tripped over her own feet as her daughter ran into the garage, nearly knocking her over in her haste. "I knew you were lying! What are you even doing-" she stopped, blanching as she looked in a corner. Belladonna followed her gaze to see a tall woman hunched over a car, her sleeves rolled up to show tattoos and her long black hair tied up in a bandana. 

"Oh, she's cute," she said fondly. "A little rough looking for you, I'll admit. Yet nice looking, I guess. Let's go say hello, _pequeña_." She began walking and was promptly held back by her daughter. They both stared at each other challengingly before they heard Dain laughing. 

"What's so funny, Mr. Irons?" asked Belladonna curtly and he managed to calm himself. 

"Ah, just haven't seen anybody interested in my cousin for a while," he said, whiskered lips twitching in amusement. He looked to Bilbo. "You're barking up the right tree, so don't worry about that matter."

Bilbo just stared at him stupidly before Belladonna whispered triumphantly, "Knew it! I feel quite like introducing myself to her now. 

"Nope. No you don't. We're leaving before you can get worse and shame me." 

" _Podría ser aún peor,_ " she warned and Bilbo asked Dain if he could possibly bar her mother from his garage for life. 

 

* * * 

 

"Let me get this straight," said Dis slowly, sitting across from her sister. Bilbo's number and Thorin's cellphone laid between them on the coffee table. "According to Dain, Bilbo likes you but won't do anything so her mother tried taking matters into her own hands. And it ended how?"

"Dain says her mother started arguing with her in a different language and Bilbo argued back until she got her mother back in the car," Thorin replied in a monotone, resting her chin on the table. She tapped her fingers. "I only saw her mother for a second before I went back to working on the car." 

"You should call her," her sister suggested. "You need to get your little gay hands on that keypad and start typing her number. Then get your little gay hands on Bilbo-"

"Okay, I don't need to hear anything else. I'm not getting that kind of advice from my little sister." She bit the inside of her cheek. "I think I'm going to ask her on a date."

"Really? That's great!"

She allowed herself a brief smile before turning serious again. "There's just one small problem?"

"What is it?"

"I don't even know how." 

Dis tilted her head, looking thoughtful. "I could try impersonating you on the phone. Then you'll just need to show up at the date." 

"Thanks, but I was thinking more of what I should say when I phone her." 

"Oh. Don't worry, sis, I got you."

Thorin hoped she wouldn't regret asking her for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, I plan Thorin to be aromantic and possibly asexual as well. I'm not aromantic or asexual, so I got some writing advice from people who are. I hope that I portrayed Thorin correctly as a woman who is unsure about entering a possibly romantic relationship, and eventually wanting to get to know someone in a way that can lead to romance. 
> 
> Bilbo, meanwhile, is a sap as you can see. So it's going to be interesting writing their relationship. 
> 
> If you see me writing something problematic, correct me please. The last thing I want to do is portray characters inaccurately. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I think it's my favorite one :)
> 
> EDIT: I was thinking about making a prequel of sorts for this but its how Dwalin and Nori met. It'd be detailing the slow burn of their relationship, including Dwalin coming out as transgender to family, friends, and his old work force; Nori getting involved with the wrong kinds of people and having to dig herself out; Nori using her genderfluidity to perform heists ; the struggling of the Reese (Ri) family; and Dwalin meeting Nori and forming a reluctant friendship as they need to work together to expose a violent crime ring she used to work for. 
> 
> Any thoughts? I don't want to get into it if people might not read it lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin couldn't recall the last time she had done this sort of thing. Her heart raced, sweat beaded at her brow, and her hands couldn't stop twisting around the telephone cord. What would she open up with? Using Bilbo's first name almost sounded too casual, her last name too formal. Then again, Bilbo had been calling her Ms. Oakley for a while. Yet this was supposed to be a date, right? There might as well be no formalities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Last chapter! I got so melancholy at the end, but I feel so accomplished to finish my first multi chapter fic. Musamortem helped me through this chapter, as she did wih the others, so I would like to say thank you to her yet again <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think! It's the last thing I'll be writing with Thorin and Bilbo together in this verse (maybe) so I'd like to know if you enjoyed it. Keep an eye out for an addition to my Between Jobs verse that will include Nwalin, as I mentioned in the chapter before. 
> 
> My tumblr is writer-of-bagend where I have a tag for this fic and the verse it's in, so if you ever wanted to see where I get some of my inspiration from, it's mostly all there :)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, have you SEEN hattedhedgehog's doodle of Billie?! Go check it out it's beauuuuutiful 
> 
> http://hattedhedgehog.tumblr.com/post/125628731107/modern-bilbo-billie-baggins

Thorin couldn't recall the last time she had done this sort of thing. Her heart raced, sweat beaded at her brow, and her hands couldn't stop twisting around the telephone cord. What would she open up with? Using Bilbo's first name almost sounded too casual, her last name too formal. Then again, Bilbo had been calling her Ms. Oakley for a while. Yet this was supposed to be a date, right? There might as well be no formalities. 

Meanwhile, Dis was sitting at the kitchen table, chin in her hands as she stared at her sister. 

"You can do it," she said encouragingly and Thorin nodded, letting out a deep breath. "Remember that texting is always a great backup plan. So is having me impersonate you. I bet if I deepened my voice a bit and tried that gravelly type-"

"I can call her myself, Dis," Thorin said snappishly, feeling her temper rise. Her forefinger went to the keypad when she heard the sound of running footsteps and faint screaming. She and Dis exchanged looks when Fili and Kili burst into the kitchen, the younger yelling incoherently as Fili chased him around the table. 

"Mum, Mum, he's gonna kill me!" shouted Kili and Dis gave a long suffering sigh before scooping him up in her arms as best as she could. 

"Okay, okay, that's enough. Both of you," she warned, sending them glares and pointing. "Fili, sit on the other end of the table."

"But, Mum, he-" 

"Ah! Don't want to hear it," she said then made a face as she realized what she said. Fili didn't seem to notice though he pouted childishly, slumping into the seat. Kili stuck his tongue out at his brother before being scolded and seated at the other end. Dis pulled out the chair an equal distance between them. "Boys, you're going to be quiet. Your aunt is making a very important phone call."

Thorin grounded her teeth together. "Dis-" 

"What phone call? Is it for a client?" asked Kili and Fili reluctantly turned on his hearing aids since his brother had stopped shrieking bloody murder. 

"Ah, yes. Sort of," she replied and was too far away to strangle her sister as she expanded for her. 

"Auntie Thorin's going to ask Miss Baggins on a date."

" _Dis_!" 

She stared at her. "What? They're fond of Bilbo and will be glad to hear you're finally getting the ball- _courage_ to ask her out. I think it's sweet, don't you?" 

"Bilbo?" echoed Fili and Dis nodded. He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Nice lady." 

"Auntie, do you like Bilbo?" asked Kili, standing on the chair to be heard. "Like, _like-like_?" 

Thorin blinked before answering flatly, "That's far too many likes for my taste, Kili. I just want to get to know her better. She's a nice lady, like Fili said. Dinner is the best option, or that's what your mother says."

"Really? Then how come Fili asked his friend out to the movies instead?" 

Even without his little brother signing, Fili's cheeks pinked and he sunk in his seat to avoid his family's inquisitive looks. "Just call her, won't you?" he grumbled, burrowing back into his purple scarf. 

Thorin nodded, though Dis kept giving Fili knowing grins, and began dialing Bilbo's number. She had one last digit to go when she stopped as Dis asked her something. 

"What?"

"You memorized her number?"

Her nephew's heads swivelled to her. "Er, yes. And?"

Dis put her hands up in surrender and let her finish up. All eyes were on her, and Thorin faced the wall to block out her embarrassment as she listened to the ringing. She was sure Bilbo wasn't going to pick up and that she would have to try again another time when the phone clicked and a hesitant voice asked, "Hullo?" 

Kili banged his fists against the table, saying a little too loudly, "Fili! She answered!" 

"I could tell by the way the blood drained from Thorin's face," he said wryly. 

 

* * * 

 

"Am I speaking to Bilbo?" the voice on the other end asked. Bilbo frowned in confusion, but there was no denying that the voice sounded familiar. She shut the cash register a little too hard upon realizing that it was none other than Thorin Oakley, and jammed her finger, suppressing a yelp of pain. 

She sucked on her finger, voice slightly muffled."Uh, yeah. You alright, Ms. Oakley?" 

There was a faint banging on the other end along with a suspicious shushing sound before Thorin cleared her throat. "Yes, I'm- well. And you?" 

"Fine, fine," Bilbo answered as nonchalantly as she could. The bell to the flowershop chimed and she blanched as she saw Otho Sackville enter the shop, surely to complain about their prices and yet leave with the same bouquet of roses he always bought. Not wanting to deal with him, she kicked the back door until her mother emerged. 

"What is it? I'm busy," Belladonna said, eyebrows pinched together. Her daughter covered her phone with her hand, nodding her head to Otho. Belladonna grimaced before painting on a smile and going to greet her family member. 

Bilbo waited for her mother to be out of earshot before shutting herself in the backroom of the shop. "So, er, as much as I love hearing your voice, Thorin-" wait, did that sound creepy? She did have a rather nice voice. Surely she knew that... "- was there a reason for your call? Not that there _has_ to be one. It's always good to chat with you." 

"Yes, actually, there is a reason." Her heart skipped briefly and she sat down on the floor, leaning against the shelves. Goodness, she hadn't hidden in the backroom since she was eleven and was being told her friend's secret crush over the phone... "I was hoping to ask you to dinner."

"Dinner?" she squeaked and winced as her elbow collided with the shelf, knocking down the nearby mop with a clatter. 

 

* * * 

 

There was a loud noise on the other end. 

"If you eat that sort of thing," blurted out Thorin and fought against the urge to slam her head against the wall. With her luck she'd end up creating a hole in the plaster. She sent Dis a panicking look before focusing on not embarrassing herself. She wanted to get to know Bilbo, right? Dinner was a good first step. 

Or should she have suggested coffee?

There was silence on the other end, besides the obvious clatter of something being dropped on the ground yet again.

"Would you accompany me then? Your silence is slightly off putting," Thorin said nervously and glared at Dis when she muttered that she talked as if she were a royal. "If you don't want to go, that's fine. I understand-"

"I'd love to go!" 

She froze and hardly realized by now her whole hand had twisted the wire around itself. "Really?" 

"Wait, she said yes?" whispered Kili. 

Dis muffled her laughter and walked over. She had that goofy grin Kili had inherited plastered across her face, her big brown eyes shining and shoulders raised as she tried to cover her mouth. 

"Thorin, this is great!" she whispered and then slapped her hands over her mouth after realizing she was supposed to be quiet. 

"Of course I would!" Bilbo said on the other end, knocking her back to reality. A rather dream-like reality, but a reality all the same. She could hear her laughter on the other end. Bilbo had a very nice laugh, one almost unsure in its humor but always cheerful. "So, where will we go?"

Thorin felt the momentary heat in her cheeks fade. She hadn't been this excited (and scared) in a while. "Sorry?"

"What place are we eating at?" asked Bilbo, and she exchanged a look with Dis. Her sister looked thoughtful before loudly whispering a suggestion. 

"We are going to..." Thorin trailed off, frowning at Dis. " _What_?" she mouthed to her. 

"Gamgee's, go to Gamgee's!"

"Gamgee's!" Thorin repeated a little too loudly after glaring at her sister, holding the phone defensively close to her body. 

 

* * * 

 

"Gamgee's?" asked a voice suddenly and Bilbo jumped upon seeing her mother hovering by the cracked open door. "Are we going to the Gamgee's tonight?"

"No!" shouted Bilbo, glaring at her mother half-heartedly and making shooing motions. 

 

* * * 

 

"No?" repeated Thorin, feeling her stomach drop with uncertainty. 

"No! I didn't- ah, I didn't mean _no_ to Gamgee's. I meant that as an answer for a- a- customer!" There was grumbling on the other end that was definitely _not_ Bilbo and whispered arguing in what sounded suspiciously like Spanish. Thorin looked to Dis, shrugging, before there was a grabbing sound and Bilbo spoke once more. "Gamgee's sounds great, Thorin-"

"Oh, so it's that _mecánica_? The cute one?" asked another voice and the mechanic had a feeling it was Bilbo's mother. More whispered arguing followed and Thorin waited for them to finish, hearing the door shut and Bilbo sigh with relief. 

"Sorry about that," she finally said, then her voice cheered up. "So, what time would you like to meet me there? I could always drive my car to your place. I've been meaning to get in a drive with that thing since it was fixed."

"Sounds good," Thorin said, fighting off a smile, and gave her Dis' address. "How about around six tomorrow? I have to watch Fili and Kili before then. Their mother will be back by then and we'll head over to Gamgee's." 

"Excellent! See you soon, Thorin Oakley!"

Her lips twitched upwards at the mention of her whole name and she said goodbye before hanging up. That's when the cheering began, including whistling from Kili who had just learned from Nori, and Thorin came close to leaving the apartment once being smothered by congratulatory hugs. 

 

* * * 

 

Bilbo couldn't recall being this excited in a very long while. She had had dates before, of course, but most of them had been blind dates or the relationships were short lived. Some had even lasted only one date, like Smaug, but she wouldn't mention him in front of Thorin since she didn't seem to like him very much. 

Bilbo kept running her words over in her head, smiling every time at the almost shy words and wincing at her own stupid ones. Like calling her by her full name. Who did that anyway? 

Thorin was eloquent and sturdy, and she couldn't help but feel that the mechanic was out of her league. Someone like her should have been on plenty of dates, especially with a face and physique like hers. Even if she was just solely attracted to women, there would be plenty knocking down her door to reach her. Bilbo hoped that they weren't all taller than her, otherwise she would have to wear heels... 

What would she wear, anyway? She tried thinking of something from her wardrobe as she walked down the street. She didn't want to wear anything too fancy since Gamgee's was more of a homestyle restaurant, but what if Thorin showed up looking gorgeous in a dress? Shouldn't she try wearing something just as nice?

Bilbo was jolted from her thoughts when she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see the towering figure of Beorn, his figure looking dark in the bleak light of the cloudy morning. His short, forked beard was neatly trimmed as always, though his hair was longer than usual and the dark locks shot up in every direction.

"Good morning, Beorn," she said politely and he made a disagreeing sound. 

"Hmph, this heavy rain isn't good for my garden," he said and she arched an eyebrow. 

"But it's not even raining yet. Surely your bees will be fine," she assured and he shrugged his broad shoulders. His bright yellow raincoat, thoroughly unsuiting his figure, was stretched a little too tightly around his barrel chest. "Is there anything you need, Beorn? I'm heading to the bookshop, but if you need to contact my mother I can give her a call." 

"No, no, I've come to contact you." He continued walking alongside her, keeping his eyes on the gray sky and making sure no one knocked Bilbo down. Most passing civilians not on their phones took one look at him and stepped aside, except for a redheaded teen girl who stared at him challengingly. "Your mother told me you had a date."

She sighed. "I'm sure she did. She was eavesdropping." 

"If you ever need flowers for your date, I've just got a new shipment." Bilbo snorted once he said this, sending him a curious glance. There was a flash of a white smile under his beard, his dark brown skin crinkling at the edges of his eyes. 

"Are you telling me to consort with the competition?" she asked teasingly and he laughed, patting her tied up hair with his large hand. 

"Just that I've gotten a lovely shipment of delphiniums," he said airily, chuckling. "Good luck with your date, little bunny."

"Thanks," she said, watching him beginning to walk away. He was a few feet down from her when a thought popped into her head and she yelled to him, jogging a bit to catch up with his long strides. "Beorn, do I refer to people by their full names a lot?"

He looked thoughtful, scratching his black beard. "Yes, I believe so. Why?"

She wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "Just curious. Now that I think of it, it's a bit odd, isn't it?"

"It's a bit cute, actually, so don't you worry," he said comfortingly and waved before departing. 

Bilbo walked to work with a smile on her face. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin paced down the hallway of the flat, eyes going to her watch every few seconds as she waited for Bilbo to come up. A bouquet of flowers were in her hands, a combination of what that burly flower shop keeper had said were Perry's Blues, delphiniums, and thick clusters of butterfly bush. Their stems were beginning to weaken as her clammy palms twisted them, and she could feel Dis sending her a look. 

"You know, it's normal to be nervous," her sister said comfortingly and Thorin straightened, sighing through her nose. 

"Not nervous," she mumbled stubbornly. "Just mentally preparing myself."

"With all the possibly bad situations that could happen?" 

She was quiet for a short while. "Maybe." Pinching the bridge of her nose, she resumed her pacing and checked the time. 5:55. Bilbo had time, right? And people were sometimes a few minutes late to plans, even if Bilbo had always been punctual whenever going to the auto shop. And the dealership... 

"Stop overthinking!" snapped Dis and Thorin glared at her, though she was too tired to say anything biting. "Thori, you're going to be fine. Bilbo's a wonderful-"

"Please don't call me that stupid child nickname again," she begged. Dis just smirked at prickling at her nerves and managing to distract her at the same time. "It was embarrassing in middle school, and it's embarrassing now. It sounds like I'm one of the Reeses."

"That wouldn't be so bad, right?"

Thorin looked thoughtful. "Bad enough I have to deal with your scoldings. I don't think I'd be able to take Dori's." She chuckled, finally stopping her seemingly endless pacing. "He does that finger wagging thing. You just threaten to hit me with the nearest object. Like Kili's GameBoy, or something." 

Dis nodded, biting her lips to stop a smile from cracking her face. "I need to be both feared and loved in my household." Thorin's phone suddenly buzzed and she unlocked the screen, feeling a surge of excitement and anxiety as she saw Bilbo's name pop up. 

 

_Just entered building. What floor are you on? xox_

 

Dis looked over at the screen. "That from Bilbo?"

"Yeah." She soon found her sister's finger pointing to the screen, her nose scrunched up as she smiled. 

"Aw, she puts 'hugs and kisses' at the end of her texts. That's so cute! Text her back," she ordered, elbowing her roughly in her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll make sure that I'm long gone by the time she gets up here. So reply back, and don't text like a teenager like you always do."

"I- I don't text like a teenager!" grumbled Thorin defensively and typed out an answer. 

 

* * * 

 

_11th floor. Room 131. C u soon._

 

Bilbo smiled down at the text, continuing walking with a skip in her step as she boarded the lift. Pressing the floor number and tapping her foot excitedly, she watched as the elevator closed, moving up the floors. Her phone then began buzzing in the pocket of her flared skirt (her short bouquet of flowers were in the other pocket) and she dug it out to see her mother's face on the screen. Suppressing a groan, she answered. 

"Hullo?"

"Bilbo!" her mother screeched on the other end and she winced, holding the blaring phone away from her sensitive ears. " _¿Cómo va tu cita?_ "

"I'm not even at her flat, Ma!" whispered Bilbo. "Can you lower your voice a bit? You nearly gave me a heart attack." 

"Sorry, _pequeña_. I'm just excited for you! _Mi pequeña niña_ on a date! Isn't this wonderful?" Belladonna gushed and began babbling before Bilbo cut her off, a smile inching its way onto her face. 

"Yes, Mama, it is." She jumped as the elevator dinged on floor 5 and the doors opened, an old man in a gray tweed suit and sharp fedora stepping in. This elevator was sure slow... She gave the man a once over before deciding he was harmless. "Mama, I'm almost at her floor. I'll check in with you, just don't call, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed. "Have fun tonight and remember that even if the date is fancy, you don't have to repay with sex-" 

"Oh my God," swore Bilbo, feeling her face burn in embarrassment. "I'm not having this discussion! Goodbye, Ma. And make sure Sauron and Melkor don't tear down the house while I'm gone." 

"I'm just trying to help, _querido. Enviar mi amor_!" 

Bilbo sighed, hanging up and ignoring the text from Nori asking if she was there yet. She noticed the old man looking at her inquisitively and bristled, staring at him until he chuckled softly and shifted his wrinkled hands on his intricately carved cane. 

"First date?" he asked. 

"Yeah," she replied, letting her shoulders drop from their defensive position. "That easy to tell?" 

"A bit. You seem both excited and nervous. The flowers gave it away," he said wisely. "Lavender? Very nice choice. I am sure that your date is a very lucky person."

She laughed slightly. "Maybe. They'd be a bit luckier if I actually had a clue what to do _after_ the dinner. I'm not as romantic as I like to think I am." 

"Hm, I find that long drives through the park are very romantic indeed," he said, the corners of his scruffy beard twitching with amusement. "Particularly in Old Man Willow's Park. The hills are bathed in the moonlight and everything has a beautifully dark tint to it. I think it's very romantic, actually. It would be quite good for you."

Before Bilbo could reply, he sent her a small smile and exited from the elevator. She felt her heartbeat increase as the elevator reached the eleventh floor, the doors opening with a slightly rickety sound. She let out a deep breath, stepping out and heading towards Thorin's door. She soon found the mechanic walking back and forth down the hall, head bowed down and her hands behind her back. 

"Hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long," Bilbo said suddenly, making Thorin jolt. She momentarily felt guilty for sneaking up on her but the soft smile Thorin sent her made up for it. "I had a phonecall to take in the lift. That thing is really slow." 

"Mr. Grayson has been trying to get it repaired for a while, yes," Thorin said and her eyes drifted to her outfit. Bilbo could feel her cheeks pinken and ducked her head. Nori and Bofur had said her outfit was "pleasantly adventurous" (they had always been her go-to when deciding on outfits). 

Or had they been wrong? Her stomach wasn't flat, so perhaps a cutoff top had been a bad idea... And she didn't shave her legs, so was a skirt the best choice?

"You look pretty," Thorin finally said and she resisted breathing a sigh of relief. Instead, she sent her the brightest smile she could muster. 

The mechanic was looking _very_ nice herself, wearing a halter top and black jeans that looked painfully warm. Bilbo realized she may have been staring a little too much at her shirt (to be fair, she was only up to her chest) and decided now was the time to bring out the flowers. 

"I got you something," she said, pulling the lavender bunches from skirt and handing it over to her. Her mother had picked the best stalks in the shop, then used the leftovers to make a flower crown for her daughter. Bilbo had felt a little ridiculous in it, but felt like she was young again with her undone, flyaway curls and purple flowers in her hair. 

Thorin's lips parted in surprise, her arms dropping to her sides to reveal an over-the-top bouquet in her left hand. "I, um, got you flowers too."

"Oh. That's nice of you, Thorin." She took the bouquet and rang a finger over the soft blue petals. "Delphiniums? You didn't get these at Beorn's by any chance?" 

"Well, it's the closest shop. Nori said your mother owns a flower shop, but I didn't want you to know." Thorin hesitated. "I just bought you flowers from the competition, didn't I?"

"They're fine," she laughed, smelling them lightly. "Perfect, in fact. The only one who believes in any of that competition stuff is my mother." She extended her arm to her date. "So, shall we get going?" _Oh my God, I'm so stupid_. "Er, I mean- yeah, let's just go," she muttered and felt Thorin chuckle, goosebumps prickling on her skin as their arms brushed. 

The door of 131 then creaked open noisily, two pairs of brown eyes (one pair significantly higher than the other) along with a familiar pair of light blues. Thorin kept walking, sending one look towards the eyes and quickening her step. Bilbo stopped as the door opened fully, Fili and Kili along with a short, stocky woman with a squarish jaw and deep brown eyes stepped into the hall. 

"Forgot your house keys, sis," said the lady, tossing Thorin the keys. Thorin sent her a glare, muttering about incessant relatives under her breath. Bilbo smiled as they walked to the elevator, sending a wave to the boys and their mother until the doors closed. 

Bilbo's phone buzzed once she slid into the driver's seat, and she made a mental reminder to text her mother when she went to the bathroom at Gamgee's. It seemed that Belladonna was going to hold her to her promise of keeping her posted. 

It took them a short while to reach Gamgee's, which was a blessing since the car had an uncomfortably quiet atmosphere after the usual small talk of how each of them were doing. Bilbo bit her lip, hands tightening on the steering wheel as she pulled up. She snuck a glance at Thorin, feeling a warm sensation in her stomach as she saw how the fairy lights outside of the restaurant reflected in her eyes. 

"I've only been here once or twice with the boys," explained Thorin as she exited from the car, Bilbo having to jog in her heels to keep up with her long strides. She seemed to notice her inability to keep up and smirked slightly, hesitantly holding out her hand. 

Bilbo took it, shivering despite the hot evening as her fingers touched her calloused skin. "It's one of my family's favorite restaurants since it's homestyle, though I hear they've been trying to class it up for the evenings." 

They passed the outside tables and stepped onto the porch, pushing the doors open. The restaurant was bustling, as it always was on a Friday night, and there was a wait to get in. Thorin's fingers tapped nervously against the front desk once she was told so, and Bilbo smiled comfortingly. 

"We can wait, right?" she asked and Thorin nodded, seeming to be relieved that her date hadn't reacted badly. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin never noticed people's looks much. They didn't matter in terms of how she got along with said person. Sometimes it was a good thing. Other times it was difficult to tell if she was interested in someone or not when she barely registered their physical appearance. That was how everything seemed to work nowadays, everything about boobs or an ass or facial features. It got tiring, at times, to see everything about romance or sex when she just wanted to be friends. 

She didn't feel like she needed to worry about that on this date. Even when moments earlier she had been panicking if Bilbo would have wanted to take her home afterwards. That's what Dis had said. Sometimes couples who were attracted to each other slept together on the first date. Thorin didn't think she was ready for that. Admittedly, Dis had instantly felt guilty and comforted her that lots of people don't do that, but she was still thinking about it. 

Yet Bilbo was politely inquiring about her hobbies, her life, her family. She would smile at her and her gaze wouldn't linger on anything else but her face. Once they were seated, she just kept grinning that little smile of hers. She wrinkled her nose when she was nervous. She squinted her eyes at the menu before muttering that she couldn't see shit without her glasses, so Thorin read the orders for her. She kept tugging her crop top down, as if she was feeling self conscious about her stomach when it was perfectly fine and, Thorin dared say it, endearingly pudgy. 

She was kind, her personality what anyone would consider adorable and her smile bright. 

Thorin Oakley didn't have to be attracted to her to know that Bilbo was beautiful. 

 

* * * 

 

"A surprise?" asked Thorin as Bilbo led her back to the car, the latter trying to keep from skipping merrily. 

It had been a good date, definitely one of the best Bilbo had in a while. Sure, there had been some awkward silences and slight misunderstandings, but she was overall happy with the outcome. Bilbo got to find out that Thorin had trouble with reading (she looked a little embarrassed at explaining it and was curious when Bilbo had explained she could be dyslexic), that she was Jewish, had a brother who traveled the world writing about brochures, and had been bouncing between jobs before becoming a mechanic. She liked spicy food (Belladonna would like that), thought it was 'cute' that Belladonna kept texting Bilbo, and her favorite color was blue. She also knew nothing about flowers. 

"That's okay. Maybe I can teach you," Bilbo had brushed off and her stomach did flips at the smile on Thorin's face. 

The food had been good, the tab had been split even though Thorin kept trying to sneak the waitress the full amount paid by only her, and the talk had been pleasant.

 

Now, Bilbo started up the car and looked at the map on her phone. "Yes, a surprise. You know, the type of thing where you do something for someone that they don't know about. But, like, nice things. Not murder-y things." She laughed at her bad joke and coughed once she saw Thorin's raised eyebrow, though a smile was twitching at her own lips. "I'm weird, ignore me. Now sit tight. We'll be there soon."

"Can you give me a hint as to where we're going?" asked Thorin. 

She frowned thoughtfully. "Guess so. Er, let me think." She turned on the radio, keeping it low as her brain worked. "Aha! Got it. Let's see if you can guess."

"I'm sure I can guess."

"Totally sure?" 

Thorin grinned, puffing up in a confident manner. "Absolutely." 

" _I had an errand there: gathering water-lilies, green leaves and lilies white to please my pretty lady, the last ere the year's end to keep them from the winter, to flower by her pretty feet till the snows are melted_ ," she recited, a poem she had once heard spoken from her father about Old Man Willow's Park. After all, it was a well known park. She was almost embarrassed that a seemingly loony old man had thought of it before her, but no one needed to know about that. 

Thorin looked at her for a long time, blinking slowly. "I'm pretty?"

"That wasn't the point of the poem, but, er, yes. You're very pretty," Bilbo coughed awkwardly, focusing on the road. Her eyes darted back to the mechanic, who was still looking at her intently. "Stop that." 

"Stop what?" 

This time she couldn't keep the laughter from her voice. "You know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" 

"You're-" she stopped, risking a glance and feeling her stomach flip again. Laughter bubbled inside of her. "You're looking at me with a pretty face and it's making me look foolish."

Thorin snorted, instead looking out the window. "Better?"

"Yes. You have nice eyes, but it feels like I'm being x-rayed."

"So, now I have nice eyes?" 

She groaned, not helping but feel that the sudden confidence was rather nice if not making herself appear like a bumbling, lovestruck fool.

 

* * * 

 

"The park," Thorin said as Bilbo pulled up, passing the entrance completely and taking a back road. "That would explain the water lilies. Hey, shouldn't we be parking and going through the entrance?" 

"We're not going into the park," explained Bilbo and expanded on that once she saw Thorin's tilted head. "There are meadows around the park's walls where cars are allowed. They're pretty big, and not many people go to the spot I know. Especially at this time. It's part of Tom Bombadil's property, but I texted his wife while in the bathroom. She's making sure he doesn't shoot us off of his property."

"Oh. That's... comforting. At least you don't do the illegal stuff on the first date."

"I save that for the second," Bilbo teased as the volvo began slowly making its way up a large hill leading to the pastures of Bombadil's place. 

"Would you mind a second?" asked Thorin, keeping her eyes ahead of her. Her knuckles were white since they gripped the car handle as they ascended the hill. "A second date, that is." 

"If you're up for it," she replied and Thorin's smile was radiant in the dark light. 

The car was almost at the top of the hill, and Bilbo pressed harder on the gas. It sputtered briefly, her and Thorin exchanging confused looks. The noise only continued until they reached the top and soon the pedal snapped under her foot. The car stopped, the sputtering stopping with a loud bang as short streams of smoke hissed from the hood. 

"Not again!" moaned Bilbo and felt herself be lifted out of her seat by Thorin. She was deposited onto the grassy hill, her date moving to the front of the car. She was scowling, the easy smile from earlier gone as she banged her fist against the hood of the car. 

"Dwalin wasn't kidding. You have _the_ worst luck with cars I've ever seen," remarked Thorin and stopped once she saw Bilbo sitting on the grass, chin in her hands. "It's- it's not _that_ bad. Just a little bad." She sighed, sitting next to her and beginning to pluck pieces of grass from the ground. "At least we're by someone who could help."

Bilbo smoothed out her skirt, hardly noticing she was a little too close to the edge. "Yeah. I should probably call Goldberry and ask if she could tow us." 

"Or we can wait a little bit," suggested Thorin and a hint of a smile graced Bilbo's face. 

 

* * * 

 

Thorin wasn't exactly sure how much time passed, but she didn't mind. The meadow was beautiful, though the grass was a little too wet. Rolling hills spread throughout, occasionally dusted with clusters of flowers that were a midnight blue in the night light. The dark sky was dotted with clouds that soon faded to reveal the occasional star. Due to the nearest city's fumes, you could never see the constellations quite clearly, but this was close enough. 

Bilbo was looking up at the sky, sprawled out on her back- no doubt getting grass stains on her lovely white outfit- and pointing at the constellations they could make out through the fog. She babbled about the stories, reminding Thorin of the times her mother had taught her stories about Greek heroes and myths after she and Frerin took an interest to them. She nudged Thorin's ribs, directing her attention towards the sky again. 

"See that really bright star right there? I'm pretty sure that's Altair. It's apart of Aquila, the Eagle. So when you connect those, it's a bunch of lines that are supposed to form an eagle. A really big eagle."

"Pretty sure, huh?" repeated Thorin, watching as a moth drifted lazily above them. "I don't know about you, but if there was a giant eagle in the sky, I'd want to be more than pretty sure." 

"If there was a giant eagle in the sky, there is a hundred percent chance that I'd know," said Bilbo in a mock serious voice. "Trust me, I'm an eagle expert."

"Even though you could barely read the menu without your glasses." 

Bilbo sat up, looking at her challengingly. "Don't doubt my skills, Thorin Oakley." 

She couldn't keep serious for long and started laughing. Thorin smiled along with her, sitting up. She felt her eyebrows knit together as Bilbo's body became more angled towards her, her brown eyes sneaking glances every so often. It wasn't until her hand slowly went on top of hers that Thorin became nervous. 

It seemed to pass in a blur. Bilbo moving closer to her, looking at her for the longest while before beginning to lean in. 

So Thorin panicked like anyone else would. Okay, maybe not like anyone else, but how _she_ normally would. 

She leaned too far back and felt the damp grass underneath her slip under her legs. She let out a strangled yelp as she tumbled down the hill, faintly hearing Bilbo shout as the world swirled around her. The grass burned her bare skin as she slid down, her neck sore and back aching as she finally landed at the bottom. She spat out grass from her mouth, wiping and smudging the dirt on her face. There were little red lines on her palms from trying to grab the grass, and wrinkled flowers were in her askew hair. 

"Thorin! Are you- _shit_!" Bilbo voice suddenly cried, and she soon landed right next to Thorin, her skirt stained green from sliding on her bum down the hill. Her eyes were wide with concern, her hands lifting Thorin up and holding her shoulder steadily. 

Thorin might have laughed at Bilbo's stained clothes, dirty fingernails, and crushed flower crown if she hadn't been so breathless. She just snorted and Bilbo smacked her shoulder chidingly, her small hand bouncing right off. 

"Jesus Christ, Thorin! The next time you don't want to kiss me, tell me! I don't want to make you so uncomfortable that you start rolling away in the hopes of escaping." 

Bilbo huffed, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at her. It didn't work much since she highly resembled an angry bunny named Rhosgobel Dis had as a child that was prone to biting. 

"I panicked," Thorin said after a pause. 

"I can see that," Bilbo said shortly, then sighed. "Sorry. I should've asked you beforehand. When I want to be romantic and spontaneous, it doesn't usually end well." 

She let out a sigh of relief. "I think it ended well enough." She hesitated, picking out tufts of grass embedded in Bilbo's bushy curls. "It can keep going, if you want."

Thorin wanted it to keep going, she really did. She couldn't recall a date where she didn't want it to end. Yet here Bilbo was, put out at herself because she had attempted a romantic move without asking first. It made her smile and forget all of the pushy teenage boys who tried kissing her, or get her to kiss another girl at a party. 

Taking a deep breath, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Bilbo. Her date froze, not moving a muscle. "This is honestly my highest physical capacity on a date for the moment so I suggest you hug me back." 

She laughed as Bilbo practically launched herself at her, over-excited at being able to embrace her. She was tiny, so tiny that Thorin could fit her in her lap if she wished to. But she kept her on the ground, her face buried in her dirty hair until she heard laughter. 

"You don't smell like motor oil this time," Bilbo mumbled and pulled apart, an almost dreamy smile on her face. 

"Not everyone can smell like _flowers_ ," Thorin defended, purposely putting a small amount of scorn on the word. Bilbo just rolled her eyes and adjusted her broken crown of lavender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanings: 
> 
> Lavender- calmness
> 
> Delphiniums- open heart

**Author's Note:**

> Fancast:  
> Bilbo- Lisa Bonet  
> Thorin- Angie Harmon  
> Dis- Hayley Atwell  
> Nori- Helena Bonham Carter
> 
> If anyone has any other suggestions for people who could play changed characters, I'd be happy to hear them. These are the closest matches, and riptide-lullabies was able to help me out with them. 
> 
> My tumblr is writer-of-bagend if anyone is curious :)


End file.
